139: Telltale Warning Signs You’ve Lost Your Way

Hello, it is 10am in New York, 3pm in Johannesburg and 8pm in Bangkok.  Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I’m a solution oriented coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations and I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.

Remember those math problems at school where they would say, what would happen if a pilot started at X destination and went in the direction of another city, but was off by one percent? And you had to use the margin of error and calculate which city they would land in instead. So sloppy pilots who are off in their direction by even one percent might land somewhere they hadn’t planned.

I think habits are important for pilots for them to be successful, for them to set the direction and get where they really want to go and not get off course.

But it’s the same thing for us, our habits are important in getting us to where we want to go and sometimes we’ve got bad habits that throw off the direction of our life completely. 

Some of you are listening and say “I don’t even have direction.” You’re thinking “All I’m doing is what I got to do every day and I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere.” 

You’re not alone, believe me, I talk to people every day who feel like that. The problem is you’re busy and you’re expending immense amounts of energy. And movement without direction is wasted effort. I see my clients all the time who are investing incredible amounts of effort, demonstrating an enormous amount of courage, to do what they’re doing and then still feel unsatisfied.

What? Like all of that for what?

Because something is missing, they’re not getting to where they want to go and actually some of them don’t even know where they want to go.

And if you’ve been following us in this four-part series of expat quicksand, you have some of the insight already. We talked about what’s missing with this direction, some of you need to get reconnected with yourself, that’s why we started this reconnecting with yourself or others. If you’ve missed our focus on connection, go back to the episodes in June 2019, and you will find them.

Once you’re really doing a good job at connecting with yourself and others, then it’s time to get unstuck with new strategies to sort of decode how to do that and then get clear on what purpose you are hungry to create. That was a really popular area that we focused on recently in our episodes from 138 and a little earlier. We even did a five-day purpose challenge in our Facebook group Expats on Purpose. So if you miss that make sure that you join so you can dive deep on purpose. 

This episode is kicking off our final focus in this four-part series on direction. Because direction without purpose is stiffly movement, wasted fuel, it’s a joy ride without the joy. But when we tie purpose with direction you create something meaningful.

So today we’re going to do a little soul-searching and we’re going to have a hard look at whether your habits are helping you create direction in your life, or if you’re actually just wasting fuel.

So when we think about direction and your own life, it is the course of action, that we’re moving toward the place we’re facing and we’re moving toward.

So do you like the direction that you’re headed?

Do you feel like you’re spinning?

Just ask yourself, how is 2019 going for you? Why do you need to shake things up a little bit? You know your energy, maybe some passion around something purposeful.

Honestly, are you on fire about what you’ve been creating since the start of the year? Do you know you will end this year strong in having accomplished what you set your heart on at the beginning?

If the answer is yes to both of those you do not need to listen to the rest of this podcast. But if there’s a part of you who’s like “Not super excited about my direction.” Or “Not really on fire about what I’ve been craving.” Or maybe you’re judging yourself because you haven’t been creating enough, or you’re worried you’re not going to make enough progress by the end of the year to really be proud of what you’ve accomplished.

That’s okay, because you are certainly not alone. I speak to hundreds of people just like this every single year who are at a turning point exactly now, there’s something about now,  were for people who are in the school cycle, you’ve settled your kids in or you know, if you’re in rotation, you’ve gotten your container and you’re just moving in and you’re asking yourself “Now what? Where am I going?

So we’re going to look today at whether you need more direction and we have got to be real honest today because it’s about ten bad but common habits that are clear indicators that you need more direction. 

This is my tough love again. These are not things I just made up. These are things that I see over and over and over with my clients. You have to understand, I have a qualitative research background, so my brain is always looking for patterns, always looking at the themes that emerge and these are the ten that I see with my clients when they are using bad habits that are sabotaging their interest in making progress and going in a clear direction. A direction where their lives are full of purpose and meaning and their habits are supporting what they really want. 

So saying it with love, ten bad habits that indicate you need more direction. All you have got to do is answer yes or no to these ten.

Take a look, which ones are they? You might want to take out a piece of paper before we do this, pause the podcast and take inventory. 

Number one; You wake up in the morning and feel dread about your day.

You know you have a load to do but you just don’t know how you’re going to get it all done.

Number one is waking up and dreading how you feel about your day and not knowing how you’re going to get it all done. If this is a pattern for you, number one, that is a habit that sucks. It feels crappy doesn’t it? Like no one wants to do that but it is a sign that you need more direction. 

Why are you dreading your day? Why is it that you don’t know how you’re going to get it done? Why is there so much to do though? It’s like direction  hunger and every single aspect of that a dearth of direction and that’s why you’re waking up that way every day.

Number one you make in the morning you feel dread about your day, you’re overwhelmed, you don’t know how you’re going to get it done. 

Number Two; Your day is filled but when you go to sleep at night you feel unfulfilled.

I’ll say that again, your day is filled but when you go to sleep at night you feel unfulfilled. Here’s the important thing, some people are busy, most people I know their days are filled, they’re busy and when they go to bed at night they’re tired.

But there’s a difference about laying your head on the pillow and feeling unsatisfied or fulfilled.

So if that’s not happening for you, then you need more direction, because you want to go to bed at night and feel like a total badass, that you crushed it, that all the energy you exuded that day was worth it.

Your day is filled but when you go to bed at night you feel unfulfilled. That’s number two.

Number three;  You feel dissatisfied with how you spend your time and energy.

We feel robbed or even resentful and some days you feel dissatisfied with how you spend your time and energy, feeling robbed or even resentful on some days.

Number four; even though you’re constantly busy, you’re at a loss to say what you’ve accomplished after a week a month or a year.

This one is a big one, you’re constantly busy but you don’t know really what you accomplished. Where’s the progress after a whole week a month or a year? Now that’s unfulfilling if you can’t name that. It doesn’t mean you haven’t done something, but you can’t articulate what you’ve accomplished after a week, a month or a year.

Number five; You have a hunch that you have bad habits, but you might not really be able to name what they are, let alone change them. 

Okay, you have a hunch you have bad habits, but you’re not really able to name what they are or change them.

That’s a sign of needing more direction.

Number six; You want goals, but you don’t even have them, or the ones you do feel like are goals are for other people and not yourself.

So you’re hungry for goals, but don’t know what they are. 

You know, I work with people all the time, I’m like, “What do you want to achieve in the next three to five years?” They’re like “I don’t even know.” Or you have goals, you have this long to do list, but guess what, you’re achieving other people’s agendas and not your own. That’s number six.

Number seven; You barely ever make time for your health, including your fitness, eating well and sleeping enough. You barely ever make time for your health.

Number eight; You have times when you feel uncomfortable, but it isn’t time spent outside of your comfort zone, because it’s not the kind of discomfort that leads to growth.

Number eight, this one is not obvious to a lot of people, but you have times when you feel uncomfortable, but it isn’t time spent outside of your comfort zone. So any discomfort you feel in your day or your week doesn’t lead to growth.

Number nine; You spend time with people who are near you geographically, not necessarily those who lift you up. You spend time with the people who are may be convenient to be around but not necessarily with those who lift you up.

Number ten; You know boundaries are a good thing, but you don’t even know where you would set them because you don’t really know what you want or are trying to create. Deep down you know you should have boundaries but you really don’t know where to begin because you don’t know what you want or you’re trying to create.

Some of these have probably hit you like a cannonball in your gut.

Some of you are listening and are feeling sheepish. Raising your hand with a little bit of shame going “Oh my God, I have all ten.” Seriously drop the shame, drop the sheepishness. You are like so many people. Why do you think I’m doing this podcast today? Because hundreds and hundreds of people have exactly the same tendencies and I call them bad habits, but I do that playfully. These are patterns that I notice that are kind of wake-up calls, warning signs. “Hey, if you’re doing this you need more direction.”

So if you have ten, let’s be really honest, this is a reason to celebrate, because now we know ten things that you can work on to create positive change in your life. So if you’re feeling like you’re stuck or if you’re feeling like you’re living on the sidelines of your life and you’ve got seven, eight, nine, ten of these, hallelujah we need to celebrate that because now we have seven, eight, nine ten steps that we can move toward to make a huge impact in your life.

So no shame here, this is all about celebrating because now you’ve noticed what’s not working. And these are the things that stop people from going into a clear direction and arriving where they really want to go.

So if you’ve said yes to these, these are signs that you need more direction in your life and let’s celebrate that. It is up to you to create this, and I know we can easily make someone the villain like, you know, blame your schedule, the move, how much time you have left at the destination, maybe even your partner’s job or even your kids right? It’s easy and I would love to just give agency and accountability away and hope that something will change, but that’s not how change happens right? It’s up to you to create this, you have to do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone. 

There are loads of things that you can do to make it better. And rather than occupy your time, rather than being a slave to someone else’s agenda or get stuck in a cycle where you don’t even realize you’re one percent off course and going to land somewhere, you don’t even want to be, this is your wake-up call, these ten things if you can identify even one, this is your time to get clearer on your direction.

And here’s something else I say with love, some of you have been trying to figure this out on your own. Maybe for a couple months, some of you for a year, some of you two or three. 

I meet clients all the time around this time of year where I’m talking about what I’m offering and what’s next. Where they’re talking about transformation, talking about purpose and direction. And they come to me and they say “Sundae you know what, I hate to admit this, but I’m in the same place I was last year.” And then they’re ready to make big changes in their life because they’ve sat in that for a year.

And there’s no shame in that, you’re smart if it were so easy you’d have done it yourself by now. This could be your wake-up call to stop DIYing your own transformation. 

It’s time to get the direction and the support that will help you transform your life into one that you love.

Where you are feeling this deep sense of thriving and those around you sense it too.

Just recently, I’ve announced that the doors for Year of Transformation are open and the window of time to apply is getting smaller. I’ve done this for several years now and let me tell you the spots fill up fast. 

So if you are even thinking about making changes in your life in this coming year we need to talk as soon as possible. 

So Year of Transformation is exactly what we’ve talked about, this idea of getting unstuck, getting reconnected with yourself and others, taking first-class care of yourself. And then creating it, that thing that you’re hungry for, for more purpose and meaning and going straight on course in that direction. 

Unwavering because you’ve got me by your side, that is a Year of Transformation, where you can get off the sidelines of your life, get in the game and start creating what is most important to you. 

So if you’re interested email me at sundae@sundaebean.com, or you can go to my website and apply at our Year of Transformation page under work with me Year of Transformation with Sundae Bean. 

I would love to speak with you. 

There’s no obligation if you apply to work together, it’s just a connect and to see if it’s a mutual fit. Because if I commit to you I’m all in for a whole year, so I got to make sure that it’s the right fit for both of us.

This is your time to change your habits. To create a new direction and to transform your life to what means the most. Year of Transformation is honestly where I help you create what right now you think is impossible, but is actually completely doable.

So join me, apply, I can’t wait to speak with you. 

You’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour with Sundae Schneider Bean. Thank you for listening. 

I’ll leave you with the words from Jimmy Dean. “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.”