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When you watch a ship glide on the ocean, you see its mighty sails. You don’t give the wind a second thought, even though it’s largely responsible for pushing her with its might. I’m professionally drawn to coaching because I want to be the person who’s standing behind the star.
So, when I recently found out exactly how popular Expat Happy Hour has become, I felt humbled and overcome with emotion. I reflected on why I started it in the first place, the meaningful topics we’ve covered, and the remarkable guests who’ve joined me over its 160 episodes. Of course, I also felt immense gratitude for you, the audience, and my team that makes the magic happen each week; they’re my wind.
All this excitement and appreciation just in time for an extraordinary occasion!
Get your confetti cannon ready because it’s Expat Happy Hour’s third birthday, and we’re pulling out all the stops. I’m giving you a behind-the-scenes scoop on a silver platter, and I’ve brought Nichole, my bestie of 25+ years, to help me whisk off the lid.
What You’ll Learn in this Episode:
- My high school best friend dishes the dirt
- Favorite guests & top clips from the last 60 episodes
- Tough takes: Difficult subjects & where I struggled
- Exclusive peek behind the podcast production curtain
- The legacy I want for Expat Happy Hour
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Featured on the Show:
The suggestion box is open, so help me up-level Expat Happy Hour! I want YOU to get in touch and tell me which podcast resonated with you the most. What do you want to hear more of, and how can I serve you better each week? It’s all about you, and I’m eagerly listening.
- Thinking of joining the Expat Coach Coalition? Don’t hesitate to hop on the interest list here.
- Episode 53: What Friends and Family Really Think About You Living Abroad
- Episode 117: Why You Should Talk About Grief Before It Strikes
- Episode 125: Grief and Guilt Raising TCK’s with Dr Ruth Van Reken
- Episode 144: Unlikely Connections with Jerry Jones and Cath Brew
- Episode 145: Unconscious Bias with Isabelle Min
- Episode 146: Hidden Hierarchies in International Schools with Danau Tanu
- Episode 152: Productivity Makeover with Graham Allcott
- Episode 153: Screens and Teens with Dr Laura Anderson
- Episode 154: The Perfectionist Recovery Room
- Episode 155: The Procrastination Pirate
- Episode 156: A Telescope In The Rearview Mirror
- Episode 158: Growth Zone Goodness
- Ready for a Year of Transformation? Get onto the waiting list here.
- Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
- Facebook Group – Expats on Purpose
We’re delighted by our nomination to the global Top 25 Expat Podcasts!
Full Episode Transcript:
Hello, it is 2 am in New York, 9 am in Johannesburg and 2 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I’m a solution oriented coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations and I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.
So why is today so special?
Because it is the third birthday of Expat Happy Hour.
And I am here to celebrate, I’m so excited to be pausing on these three years of this wild journey of Expat Happy Hour. And for those of you have been listening for a while, you might remember my hundredth episode of Expat Happy Hour where I celebrated what it took to get to those hundred episodes.
We are now on a hundred and sixty episodes which have been recorded for a hundred and sixty consecutive weeks without fail, something for me to definitely celebrate.
And for you, I am going to mix things up around here for today’s episode. So I’m excited to do something a little bit different for you, And to officially launch this feeling of ‘fresh,’ my word for 2020, into the podcast. So stay tuned to the end of this episode because I will share with you how you can win a free coaching session with me. Just another way that I’m celebrating Expat Happy Hour’s third birthday.
All right, so get settled. What are you going to have ahead of you in this episode? First we’re going to start with behind the scenes, I’m going to give you a little bit of a peek behind the curtain of some things that I haven’t shared before around how all of this got started and how I prepare, all of those fun things. Then I’m going to share with you some of my favorite clips since the hundredth episode.
And this one I’m kind of nervous about. My best friend from high school insisted on hijacking Expat Happy Hour today. And I’m going to let her take over as host to interview me, which was all her idea, today. And it’s going to be totally unprompted, I have no idea what she has planned and oh my God, my stomach just hurts thinking about it. Because if there’s anybody who’s got some dirt on me, it’s my best friend from high school that I’ve known for over 25 years.
Okay, so let’s get started with behind the scenes.
And first I have a quiz for you.
True or false, there are four questions, I want you to guess which ones are true and which ones are false.
Number one; I actually drink wine while I record Expat Happy Hour? True or false?
Number two; I record my podcast from my garage? True or false?
Number three; I listen to all of my podcasts before making them live?
Number four; I do the podcast all myself from start to finish?
All right, that’s your quiz. Let’s see which ones you got right?
We’ll go back to number one; I actually drink wine while I record Expat Happy Hour? I’m sorry, that is false. Even though there are days where I kind of wish I was drinking wine. I drink coffee when I record Expat Happy Hour. But to be really honest in sort of the behind-the-scenes sort of way.
When I started working on Expat Happy Hour, I was lucky enough to partner with this amazing woman. Her name is Janey Moon and she is a media coach and she helped me get started with some of the ins and outs of “How the heck do you do a podcast anyway?” And we did toy with the idea of me actually having a drink on the podcast. And I thought, “No, I just I just can’t do it.” So that is false. I do not drink wine while I record Expat Happy Hour, I usually record my episodes on Monday afternoons.
Number two; I record my podcast from my garage? What do you think? So are you guys imagining this like amazing studio? No, I literally do record my podcast from my garage. And I feel like that’s a good sign because aren’t there a lot of people who used to like start in a garage like a tech company or band, aren’t they famous? So I’m just like destined for greatness when I started my podcasts in my garage, at least that’s what I’m hoping.
The truth is that my office is a converted garage. It was literally one of those stinky garages and I came in and had it renovated and even hired an interior designer to make it look nice. And that is what you see when I take pictures of the headquarters or when you watch videos.
Number three; I listen to all my podcasts before making them live? True or false? What do you think? For those of you who remember my episode recovering perfectionist. The answer is a big fat false. I don’t even listen to my podcasts after I put them in the box to be honest. There are things that sometimes I go back and listen if I’m like, “What did I say? I don’t remember what came out of my mouth.” There are things that I share that are really in the moment and I’m just trusting it’s what someone needs to hear and I move on. When I listen to my podcasts it’s often because I’m wondering if something technical worked out, if we had at a sound problem or if there were edits because maybe I started coughing or something during the episode and they wanted to make sure that nothing was missed.
And number four; I do the podcast all myself from start to finish? What do you think? Is that true or false? The truth is I don’t, I do the recording but I’ve got an amazing team that helps me with production and also the transcription of the audio and puts it into that beautiful PDF that you can download and upload it into my blog. What I do is truly a team effort and I’m grateful for every single person that works with me to make my vision come to life. All that I do from a content perspective from the delivery, all of that of course is me. But when it comes to the technical stuff, I’ve got a team by my side so that I can do the thing that only I can do and I can leave the other things to those who can do it much better than me.
So thank you to my team and that’s just a special shout out for each and every one of you that are behind the scenes helping produce Expat Happy Hour. Whether it’s the technical production or creating the transcript, the PDFs and getting it up there on my blog every single week. So thank you from my heart for all that you do to make this happen.
All right, let me just tell you a little bit more about it in terms of how I got started. As I said, this is the third year and I don’t even like the sound of my voice and I do a podcast. When you think about that, how silly that is, I really had to get over myself to do this. Starting Expat Happy Hour was a way for me to connect differently with you, for me to share more of me with you and more of my thoughts and experiences.
And I was blogging before that, writing for years before that. For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, I started in 2013 and you might have joined my community through some of the articles that I wrote around expat fatigue and what we do with stress, etc. But I hit a point where I realized that it was important for people to connect with me not just on an academic level but on a personal level. Because when we coach, you kind of get the whole me and I want you to know what you’re getting into.
So that’s how I made the shift to doing the podcast and I was supported by a wonderful organization ‘2 Market Media’ where I worked with their team to help me launch Expat Happy Hour. And that is where I worked hard to get savvy on how to do a podcast. Because before I started doing my own podcast, I honestly wasn’t a big listener of podcasts and now I listen to people within the expat community who are also serving expats. And I love listening to other podcasts, and in fact I feel like this connection with people I’ve never met through their stories.
I was just speaking with someone from ‘Expat Focus’ and talking about that feeling of feeling like you know someone by listening to their podcast every day. And that’s the feeling I have with the people that I’m an avid listener of.
So here’s the thing about the podcast. One of the things that I had to do to get better at podcasting, and I’ll tell you what I will not go back and listen to my earlier podcast, like seriously. In my challenge I’m doing this week, I recommended my third podcast about celebrating you. And I was kind of scared to allow people to listen to it because it was the very beginning of practicing. And the truth is, how did I learn how to do a podcast? I learned by doing a podcast. So for Episode 1 I had a script and I basically prepared the script and read the script. And then Episode 2 I did more of that. Until my media coach was like “Sundae, nope, you are spending too much time on this. You need to let go more you need to allow yourself to be more free in your podcast.”
So it was this process of starting really prepared and then letting go bit by bit. And this connects to some of the things I’m going to share up around reflecting on some of my podcast episodes. Put this in perspective, please. There is some vulnerability of hopping on a microphone, sharing your thoughts impromptu, wrapping it up and then putting it out there to the world.
I have earned your trust. Thousands of people have said yes to sharing their most precious time, which is their most precious resource with me. And that is a responsibility that I hold dearly. And I don’t want to ever put anything out there where you feel like it doesn’t have value. And I’ve worked hard to earn your trust. So I take that so seriously, I want to add value if you’re saying yes to you for that 15 minutes, 45 minutes to grow, to think differently, to get a new tip, etc.
So when I hop on and I share what’s going on and I wrap it up and put it out there, I have no idea how it will be received. I have no idea if I said something stupid, I have no idea if I said something in the moment that wasn’t reflective. So there’s this vulnerability of packaging that up and putting out there and I do that every single week. So thank you for your trust and I share that for a few reasons. I shared that because there is a perception that if someone does something well that it’s easy for them. Or if someone does something well that it’s something they do, how shall I say it, gladly.
And I do, every podcast I do gladly, but doesn’t mean it’s easy. And I think that’s important for you to know there are times when I have an idea. As a business owner I can’t spend an entire day producing a podcast. I’ve got clients to serve and I have to take care of myself and I have a family etc. So I give myself a constrained amount of time to do it. And then it’s this trust process of hoping that it’s good enough. And then I hope that it’s good enough for you.
And what has surprised me over and over is this, I’ll do something and I’ll put some thought into it and I’ll prepare it and then I put it in the box and I’m like “Boom that was good, I feel really good about it.” And then crickets. I won’t hear anything. Maybe the downloads are mediocre. And there are other times where I’m like, “Oh, what am I going to talk about today?” This is the thing. I’ll kind of fumble through the podcast feeling about it, but put it out there anyway, and then someone writes me and they literally say “Sundae, it’s creepy, I feel like you’re a fly on the wall.” Or someone will write me and say “Oh my God, thank you for saying that because this is the impact it made on me.”
And it isn’t even my core message. It’s like a side thing I said. So I have learned to trust that I have no control over the impact that my episodes will have on you, that it’s not up to me, it’s not for me to decide. All I am is a filter, a filter of experiences.
And I trust that it will impact you when you need it. And if not now, then when you do.
And that is my process, it really is an exercise in surrender. That is how I see Expat Happy Hour. It is a growth process for me, it is an absolute practice in vulnerability and it is an exercise in surrender. So thank you for being part of that.
And that’s a little bit of a peek behind the curtain.
So when we go further with the behind-the-scenes last thing I’ll say is I started preparing really diligently and through the years I have been coaxed to change how I do that, to rely more on my innate abilities and instincts so that I can deliver from my heart, from my know-how to you in a shorter amount of time. And that requires surrender on my own behalf.
So when you hear, for example, when you hear the last three episodes of 2019, Episodes 154, 155 and 156. It started with this Perfectionist Recovery Room episode. That was an exercise in my own recovering perfectionism where I prepared a few quotes, a couple bullet points. And I literally had to deliver on the fly. I didn’t have to, I could have over prepared, I could have prepared a script. But that was my challenge to me to give to you. And I did that for the last three episodes during what I was taking on as a capacity challenge.
I think you need to understand just how nerdy I am. Like just how much of a personal development junkie I am. I don’t just do this as a methodology for others, it’s what I do, it’s who I am. So whatever I’m asking of you I ask of myself. In fact, I test it first and I understand how it feels when then I asked you to do it because I’ve been there.
So episodes 154 to 156 were very very light on planning and heavy on just sharing on the fly. And it was hard for me to share. it really did feel vulnerable. It’s funny how on the perfectionist episode I wondered if it was good enough. And you know, the procrastination one I put off for about four days until I did it. And the very last one, 156 was so personal. It was kind of gut-wrenching for me to share but I did it anyway, because again, I trust it’s what you need to know.
So that’s a peek behind the scenes of the making of Expat Happy Hour. I will focus on the episodes from Episode 100 to 160 when I talk about the highlights of some of the episodes since celebrating my hundredth episode.
As I said, I can’t really predict people’s reactions or impact, but what I can do is I can share the impact that it had on me. So when I look at what has happened since the hundredth, I think the first thing I think about is what was hard. And I did share already that Episode 154 and 156 were hard because they felt vulnerable.
In the grief Episode 117; Why You Should Talk About Grief Before It Strikes. That one was hard because I was recording it in Barren, Switzerland on the day of my mother-in-law’s funeral. That it was around the anniversary, one year since losing my sister-in-law and one of my dear friends. So emotions were high. You could probably hear it in my voice. I felt kind of like a balloon that had been deflated. And I had that topic so much on my heart I had to share it with you. It would have been so easy to just reshare an episode or do something else, but that conversation was important to me.
And I’m kind of a buzzkill, right? Well, happy birthday, let’s talk about grief. Sorry, but honestly, I shared that episode and that journey because I want you to have these conversations about grief before it strikes. Because the last thing I want is for you to have to deal with grief and be swirling with doubt or cultural frustrations or surprises.
I mean that from my heart and that’s why bring it up. It was a hard episode for me to record. Thanks to my dear friend and expert on death and transition Cath Brew, with her Insight she supported me in checking if some of the things that I had in my heart and mind were on par with what’s recommended.
So check out 117. For those of you who are really on board with getting prepared. Speaking of prepared. I’ve got some things coming up in future episodes about being a prepared expat and I’ll be interviewing an expert on that for you in the coming weeks.
Okay, but those are the hard episodes. There’s one more hard episode I wanted to share with you that I think is really worth listening to. And that’s Episode 145; Unconscious Bias with Isabel Min. One, because no one wants to admit that we’ve got bias. That we all have biases and prejudices that are in our programming, in our DNA, in our brain. Just sort of systematically programmed in there from centuries of groups and division. And in the episode I was very transparent with sharing some of the things that popped up with me when I met Isabel Min in Bangkok.
So that was again a vulnerable exercise for me to share especially as an Interculturalist. But I did it because if I’ve got this going on and this is what I study and what I work on breaking down, if you’re human just like me I trust that you might have it going on top, so that’s why I did it. Now admittedly unconscious bias is not the solution by moving our unconscious bias into conscious bias. I want to say from a social justice perspective we need systemic change. We can’t just all individually change our unconscious subconscious bias, and then work on reducing them. I am not naive to the fact that that is an important step and we need to break down unjust systems.
So I just want to say that as well. That is also why I brought on the Danau Tanu to talk about what’s going on at international schools. How sort of the global systemic dynamics that are going on are also present in our schools right under our noses.
So perhaps a little bit behind the scenes there is you know, I want to have conversations like that on Expat Happy Hour because I have a social justice heart, but I’m not the person who’s going to be protesting in the front lines at the newest march. Even though I want to be but I noticed that I’m not doing it. So the way that I do it is by bringing those topics to Expat Happy Hour and doing my best to disseminate that around the world through my experts.
And you’ll see that with some of the choices that I’ve made for Expat Happy Hour throughout the years including Dr. Laura Anderson who talked about gender expansive kids.
And how I invited Jerry Jones and Cath Brew to talk about unlikely connections. And we’ll talk more about that in a bit.
So there you go. Some of the things that kind of felt like, you know, I talked about it in my recent episode about growth. I kind of feel like a kitten with my belly exposed.
Those are some episodes that were hard for me, but I want you to know I do it for you.
So buzzkill is over. Now, let’s celebrate again. Let’s talk about guests that delighted me, highlights of Expat Happy Hour. There’s so many since in the last 60 episodes and by selecting highlights. I have a hard time because I don’t want to make other highlights feel diminished. But I can only pick three, so I did pick three and there they vary from each other.
So one of my highlights in terms of guests that I had in the last 60 episodes is Graham Allcott from “Productivity Ninja” came on to talk about the very human ways that we can be more productive. And I think the reason why that one was so exciting for me was twofold or maybe even threefold. But one, I’ve been reading Graham’s work for a long time and have been recommending it to my clients. So it was like a huge gift to my clients to be able to say “Remember this guy in this book that I’ve been raving about? Here he is on Expat Happy Hour to share with you.” So that was exciting.
Second, it was exciting and meant a lot to me that Graham took time out of his schedule to join us on Expat Happy Hour. Because I know he’s so busy and dealing with his own productivity. So it meant a lot to me that he made that a priority.
And I think third is that his insight feels very systemic, like business-oriented. But at the very end of our podcast he shared something profound that happened to him and that’s where I really aligned with his work because he and I are not about the systems of the tips and tricks but actually about the impact. So I’ll let you listen to that last bit of the interview where he shares something that happened in him that helped him see the big impact.
And speaking of impact the other person I wanted to mention as a delight to have an Expat Happy Hour that has had a huge impact on me, is Dr. Ruth Van Reken. She is the co-author of “Third Culture Kids,” and for most of you who are listening, you know that it’s kind of known as the ‘quote’ Bible of those of us who are raising kids in a globally mobile way. I sought out the book in 2012 when I was deciding whether I should shift my kids from cross-cultural kids or third culture kids and whether, Ruth didn’t know it at the time but she was with me in Beni Switzerland, by my side to help me make the decision. Knowing that the insight she shared and the support she shared was enough for me to say yes to this life of raising third culture kids.
So it was an absolute honor to have one of my mentors on Expat Happy Hour. Have her share her insight. And it was especially exciting when she and I were talking about identity and how it’s a mirror and how she told me to stop and write that down because she saw it from an angle that she hadn’t seen it before.
And in terms of delight, I can’t mention guess that delighted me without thinking of the podcast that I did with Jerry Jones and Cath Brew where they talked about unlikely connections. Jerry and Cath have become some of my best Biz friends and it was wonderful to have them back on Expat Happy Hour. Both of them have been guests. I was able to watch their performance of unlikely connections live in Bangkok. And then it was an honor to be the first who brought them together to sort of walk through behind the scenes of their own journey.
Unlikely connections is the story of when a Baptist and a lesbian walk into a bar and then we see what happens. So if you haven’t listened to that episode you’re going to want to because it’s such a teacher of seeing others and suspending stereotypes and getting curious.
Here’s a tiny excerpt from that episode.
So thank you again to my dear friends Cath Brew and Jerry Jones for your contribution to Expat Happy Hour in that episode.
And now I’m going to turn Expat Happy Hour over to my high school, bestie. I’ve never turned the mic over in Expat Happy Hour before where someone interviews me except for having “Amel Derragui” on Expat Happy Hour. Because she’s also a podcast host there’s times where I felt like she was interviewing me before I interviewed her.
But one of my closest friends from high school, Nichole Sala had an idea a while ago and she said “Sundae.” She sent me a message, “I know it’s kind of a wild idea, but why don’t I take over your podcast and I can interview you on your third anniversary.” and I was like, “Hahaha, funny.” And then I kind of let it go away like “Oh no no way in hell.” And then just yesterday I was like “Jeez, actually what the heck, why don’t we do it.” So I left her a message last night, and I turned over the mic. So in the recording of it, right as we speak, this is moments before I turn the mic over to her. So I really have no idea what’s coming.
You can understand if you gave the mic over to your best friend from high school and she had the potential to say things to thousands, how you would feel in this moment. That’s how I feel right now.
But I adore her and I love her. And you might recognize her voice as one of the people in the podcast Episode, What Friends and Family Really Think About You Living Abroad. She showed up, and here she is again.
Sundae: But Nicole I’m gonna turn the microphone over to you and let you interview me on my third birthday of Expat Happy Hour.
Nichole: Well, first of all, thank you for moving forward with this idea.
So I want to start with the origin, tell me about how Expat Happy Hour came to be.
Sundae: Oh, okay. If I’m really honest and stuff that I haven’t yet shared with my audience about that is, I just had this weird thing that I knew something had to shift and I knew I had to connect differently with my audience because what I’ve noticed in my business is that once people get connected to my stuff they really identify with it and then I’m able to serve them in other ways. And I I knew that blogging was doing it but there was a better way to do it.
And this sounds really weird and woo woo, but I had a dream about a wolf. And whenever an animal comes in my life, I like to investigate the animal and find out what it can teach me. Like from a scientific perspective I would say it’s like a heuristic move. Like “What can I learn from this?” And I ended up dreaming, like wolves kept popping up. And I realized that I needed to find a way to find my crews. So the the lead female wolf howls and her people find her. And that’s kind of how the podcast started. I needed a way to share my voice and see who resonated with it so I could do my thing.
Nichole: Wow, that’s really cool. I did not know about that dream. So thank you for sharing that with me and with us.
Sundae: And it’s really scary because I never told anybody, I never said it out loud.
Nichole: So knowing you, you always have a vision before you jump into the pool. So, what was your vision for Expat Happy Hour? And how has that vision shifted? Has it even shifted from when it started to where it is now?
Sundae: That’s a good question. So my vision for Expat Happy Hour was really to extend my reach. You know, I only have 24 hours a day just like anybody else. This is a way to do that anytime anywhere. So my vision was to do that, to create deeper connection with the people’s lives that I wanted to touch.
I wanted to talk about like straight talk, like the stuff that nobody wants to talk about. And share some of the strategies that were really working in my coaching sessions with my audience so that they could benefit from it.
And I think that I really feel like that vision is working in terms of impact, you know this about me Nichole, I’m really ambitious so I have this vision of impact that’s really big and we haven’t yet reached the level of big that I have in my heart, but it’s just step by step. So I feel like I’m on the right track.
Nichole: So speaking of benefits, I can personally attest to this because there have been numerous times where even though you’re talking about expat content, I have been able to relate that to my own situation within my own journey. So I love that your content, while it’s focused on expats, is so broad and generalized it really it can be for anybody.
Sundae: It’s just about being in transition and being a human and it just happens to be tailored to people who are living sort of Olympic-level lives of complexity with mobile mobility. But we’re still women trying to make our way, we’re still parents, we’re still people who are guided by our fears. It’s just in a little bit more complex cultural context and a little bit more transient mobile context.
Nichole: Okay, so you said a minute ago that you only have 24 hours in a day like everybody else. And yet there is this Persona about you, that you are like superwoman. Like you can do it all, you manage it, you have it all together. So what do you say to that?
Sundae: That makes me laugh because I am human, so I don’t always have it all together that’s for sure. But when I fall apart, I pick it back up pretty fast and keep moving. I’ll just say it like that. But I think I think I’m really clear on what my priorities are.
So what you see is a result of very focused energy and attention. So my priorities are my business, my clients that sort of thing, my family and my health and wellbeing. I think I’m really clear on what is important to me and that I focus all of my energy into that.
I work with a great team of people and I’ve invested an incredible amount of time and money in my own growth so that I can do what I do. So I think those are the things, it’s a result of investing in myself that people are seeing.
I have days where I’m just like ughhh and those are the days where I need to pick myself up and get clarity and maybe take better care of myself and that sort of thing.
So that’s one of the other things I’ve heard from my clients where I’ll share something like a bad parenting moment or a struggle I’ve had my business and people will say, “Oh my God, I didn’t know that you felt that way too.” And I really want to remind people, you know, just because I’m a coach doesn’t mean that I’m not human. I just apply this strategy that are working and I know that I’ve got power to impact how I feel and how I want to show up.
Nichole: Yes, while you were talking one of the things I wrote down on my notepad is that you practice what you preach. And in addition to that I would also say that you always have been extremely focused, determined, and genuine.
One of the things that I think that I’ve seen in you that has shifted in the last couple of years is your vulnerability. And I know that that’s been uncomfortable for you. But I think that it has just been really really beautiful to watch you go through that and to not be so afraid to share the messy stuff, because we all have the messy stuff.
Sundae: Yeah. I remember that day where you either called me or we were on messenger and you were like “Something’s happening, like what’s going on because you’re showing up differently in your business than I’ve seen before.” And I got that feedback from you and I get that feedback from another good friend of mine. And what you said to me was actually the biggest compliment I’ve ever received, was like “I feel like I’m seeing more of you.” And that meant a lot.
And people might wonder why do I have my guard so dang high up. But I think it was like this transition of being in a corporate context, allowing people to see more of the other side. I don’t know why it’s so dang scary, but it is scary to be vulnerable. It is scary to let people see the messy side. And thankfully I’ve done my own work and I’ve worked with my own coaches to really create that space. And I have learned from my clients top that that has positively impacted them not negatively.
So you said vulnerable and my eyes got really big and I kind of pulled my chin back. I was like, “Oh shit like yeah.” It feels scary. Why is it so scary for people to see the real you? That’s what just baffles me. And that’s my work. That’s the work that I’m doing and I’m in process of doing.
Nichole: Yeah, a couple of things. One is when I said the word vulnerable I could hear and feel your shift just through this podcast. And I can’t even see you right now we’re just talking to each other.
And then the other thing that I was going to say is, yeah as we get older I find that you and I are on the same trajectory in terms of, the more authentic I feel like somebody is with me the more I appreciate that, because I understand through my own journey how hard that is. But yet how freeing it can be.
Sundae: Totally. And I think when you said that, there’s a couple things that popped up for me. One, vulnerability often, and this is not mine, it’s probably from Rene Brown, but vulnerability doesn’t equal weakness, it is courage, it’s strength. And that is something I’ve learned from you, you know when things are pretty calm in my own life then as a friend I’m like “I can support my friend who’s going through the hard thing.” But when I’m going through the hard thing you realize how much strength and courage that takes. So you have been a model of that to me in my life. So I’m going to say thank you for that.
Nichole: Oh my goodness. Thank you. You mentioned earlier about your impact that you want to have on the world. And this is something that I have seen in you.
So you talk to me, talk to us about this impact that you have. What is it that you envision, I mean I know that you’re doing the work with the expat stuff, but what is it that you really want to do Sundae? How do you really want to leave your mark?
Sundae: I think when it boils down to it, I didn’t know this going into it, but I know it now. I really want to work to make an impact in women’s lives. Because I see how even the most successful, from the outside perspective, the most successful women that I work with are battling with self-worth and self-confidence, and it makes me crazy. Because I know what a woman can do when she’s standing in her power and she’s holding on to her sense of self-worth and has self-confidence that’s grounded in reality. The impact she can make with her friends, with her family and her community, for social justice, for research, whatever it is.
There’s nothing more powerful than a woman who is in her power, knows who she is and what she wants. And I’m not the type of person who wants to stand out front and be the star. I want to be the person who’s behind that star. And that’s why working with, I work with surgeons who are saving women’s lives in under-served countries. I mean, those are the moments that I go to bed at night and go, “Wow. I’m so lucky to do it.”
If I can do that in one woman’s life and she can show up differently in her life, I am so humbled by that because I understand that trajectory that is shifted when she does that. So that’s, I mean honestly, that’s why I do what I do.
Nichole: And you feel like you are having that impact now?
Sundae: I feel like I’m having that impact deeply with my one-to-one clients. What’s harder for me to assess is what kind of impact I’m having with the people who are more silent in my life. Like the Facebook group members of Expats on Purpose, or the listeners of Expat Happy Hour, the people who don’t write me.
You know, I don’t know what impact I’m making. I know what impact I’m making with my one-to-one clients and that is more than enough to keep me going. But if I were really honest, I would love to hear from those who are kind of silently in the wings, what impact I’ve made because that is so rewarding. But I’ve chosen to not need that, I’ve chosen to trust that it’s going to have an impact whether I hear about it or not.
Nichole: So where do you see your podcast going in the next couple of years?
Sundae: Well, what I’m thinking about now is my word for this year is “fresh.” So people will hear in this episode and future episodes how I’m trying to add a little bit of that element. Honestly, what I want to do is I want to keep consistent with every single week. I cannot believe I’ve spent a hundred and sixty consecutive weeks with a podcast without interruption. I can’t believe that happened. I’m really happy about that.
I would love to continue to talk about the hard stuff. That’s what’s important. Take the shame around the things away around the things that are hard. And continue to just be playful and give solutions that are simple that people can apply in their life right away.
So to be honest, I want to do more of the same but bigger. I would love to see my reach grow even more so I can reach more people and it’s up to me to create the kind of content that people want to share to do that. So next steps are all on me.
Nichole: That sounds amazing, and I look forward to seeing what you’re producing the upcoming episodes.
Sundae: All right. Thank you darling for being here. You guys that is one of my besties from 25 years ago. She’s amazing and she took time off from her work day as you can hear to do this.
So, I love you so much, darling.
Nichole: Thank you, I love you too. Thank you for allowing me to interview you today, this was really wonderful.
So there you have it. I am humbled to be celebrating my third year of Expat Happy Hour. It coincides with ridiculous timing of me finally finding out the statistics of my podcast and seeing it hit number one and the UAE or number two podcasts in South Africa. Or hitting the charts consistently in the United States of top 100 over and over. I’m humbled by it and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who are here on my journey.
Thank you for listening to the behind-the-scenes. Thank you for your interest in that. Thank you for your interest and curiosity of getting a behind the scenes on what are my favorite episodes. And for tuning in to hear my best friend.
There’s so much ahead 2020 is my year “fresh.” Hopefully you can already feel some of that coming to you in this episode, but we’re just getting started. I’ve got a guest expert series coming up. We’re going to focus on some of the toughest aspects of expat life including long-distance relationships, preparing for emergencies, dealing with transition and trauma and even “How do I be an international school teacher and raise my kid at work?”
So stay with me, I am just getting started.
And don’t miss out on the opportunity to win one to one coaching with me. Because celebrating three years of Expat Happy Hour I’m also running a contest where you can enter a review on iTunes or on Android review system, gain points to be entered into the contest and win one to one coaching with me. See it like being in a private episode but where you get to talk back and at the end you’re going to have a clear idea on where you need to go next based on whatever challenge you’re feeling.
Thank you for celebrating my third birthday with me and Expat Happy Hour. It means the world to me. It absolutely means the world to me that you’re here with me.
This is Sundae Schneider Bean and you’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour. I’ll leave you with the thoughts of Osho “Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated.”
And thank you for celebrating this third birthday with me.
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