It’s no big secret that some look down on new money. In French, they call it “nouveau-riche.” A term reserved for social climbers who’ve recently acquired wealth rather than aristocratically being brought up in it. Some in this crowd support the theory that you don’t naturally belong with the affluent crowd and are just a poser.
Where I grew up in the Midwest of the United States, the reverse rings true. There’s no dignity in being “born with the silver spoon” in your mouth. Privilege has negative connotations, while self-made success is highly respected. You’re not lucky — you’re good. And the supporting theory is that you deserve to be rich because you’ve earned it. (Which we know is problematic in so many ways.)
The way you feel about money goes way back, deep and broad. It’s tethered to childhood memories, experiences with your friends and family, cultural influences and taboos, and every moment up to and including the one you’re living right now.
It’s personal, and this week, we’re going to stop pretending that it’s not. In the final segment of my salute to entrepreneurship, we’ll cruise behind-the-scenes to confront money matters blocking your success. We’re going to dump pretenses, name your worth, and make it rain.
What You’ll Learn in this Episode:
- Andrea J. Lee’s Pink Spoon Theory
- Why people want to give you money
- Falsely assuming a client’s financial situation
- Being too generous & restoring the balance
- Feeling bad about charging for your talent
Listen to the Full Episode
Featured on the Show:
Release the year you expected to have and fall in love with Plan B. This is your LAST CALL to join us for Expat Coach Coalition. 2020 was tough, but you’re tougher, so prove it with your finish.
“I joined to help me get a business off the ground that I’ve been talking about for (“ahem”) over a decade. Now, I have resources, more confidence to use them, specific plans, action steps, and a network of women that support me.” – Anna C. Seidel, Global Mobility Trainer
- For aspiring coaches or coaches who want to serve expats, don’t miss: Expat Coach Secrets.
- Transform your confidence, coaching practices, and bank accounts – Join Expat Coach Coalition
- Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
- Sundae’s Facebook Group – Expats on Purpose
Catch These podcasts:
- Expat Happy Hour EP 196: Not the Entrepreneurial Type – Listen now
- Expat Happy Hour EP 200: The Consistency Commitment – Listen now
- Expat Happy Hour EP 168: Trial by Fire – Listen now
- Expat Happy Hour EP 169: Isolation Zombification – Listen now
- Expat Happy Hour EP 170: Time to Triumph – Listen now
- Expat Happy Hour EP 171: Money, Honey – Listen now
We’re delighted by our nomination to the global Top 25 Expat Podcasts!
Full Episode Transcript:
Hello. It is 7:00 am in New York, 7:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 7:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I am a solution-orientated coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations. I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.
When I was a kid, I would babysit and I was probably way too young. I think I was like 9 when I started. At the end of the night the parent would give me, you know, about five dollars an hour and I would go home happy that I had earned some money. In my family, we really thought about, “What do we do with that money?” And for some reason I developed this habit of saving half and then spending half because I really didn’t value money per se but what I did value was freedom. And maybe a little bit of control or security that if I wanted something I would have the money to get it.
My dad always challenged me when I asked him for something like, “Hey, Dad, can I get, you know, a 10-speed bike?” And he’d say, “Sure, I’ll pay half.” Which would make me look at what money I did have and see if it really had the value for what I was wanting. So I realized that as a kid I was taught to think carefully about money in terms of what I want to do with it. And reflect on the value that the things had, that I was going to use my money for.
But the problem is, as a kid, as a teenager, I didn’t have any practice at deciding on my value, right? Minimum wage was decided. Babysitting was the going rate for that neighborhood.
It wasn’t till I was much, much older that I was put in a position to decide. What’s the value of the services that I offer. And if you’re someone who wants to do your own thing, you’ve maybe been put in that situation where you’re asked to go to a new space, maybe even an uncomfortable space, where you have to place a value on what you offer. And maybe it’s something you love doing. Maybe it’s something that comes naturally. So it almost feels bad to charge for something you love doing and are pretty good at and comes easily, right?
These are questions that any service-oriented business owner faces. And today’s episode is jam-packed with resources for you if you want to do your own thing, because, you know, that really is often what we’re faced with when we’re trying to make our lives abroad work. And for many people right now in uncertainty with COVID in November 2020, maybe you’re forced to think about doing your own thing. And this is the perfect time that we’re talking about it. We’re in week 6 of a six-week series on, behind-the-scenes. What does it really take for you to do your own thing, especially for those of you who are working in spaces like I am. Serving expats in a hundred percent location Independent business, service oriented, or maybe you want to be doing that.
We’ve looked at this in depth over the last six weeks. For example, we started off by looking at the myth of I’m Not the Entrepreneurial Type. So check that out in episode 196. If you missed it, then we looked at the challenges of a Dual Career Couple and what they really face and the hard realities that need to be checked when you live that life.
Week three, we started to face the Fear of visibility, in the face. And I giggle at that because it’s one of those things where it can be terrifying for people but it is so important. Week four, we focused on using your voice and how it’s essential for your ideal clients to actually find you. And week five was fun because we celebrated the 200th episode of Expat Happy Hour! And of course in the spirit of what it took to get there, I shared the secrets to consistency and talked about how important that is for your business.
So we’re wrapping up this six-week series behind-the-scenes by talking about another taboo. And that’s money.
All right, get ready for some hard truths. I’ve put some thought into this episode and I realize I just kind of wanted to rant on a few things that are just stuff that’s stuck in our heads, and our bodies, and are really limiting us from doing what we love. So I only have a few points in mind and I don’t know what’s going to come out today. But I kind of feel like it’s one of those days where I’m on fire and I’m going to unleash on you all! And the thing is, I just want to be really explicit. Money is something that I’ve worked really hard to start talking about. I grew up, you know, money was kind of something secret. My father is a cattle farmer and he wouldn’t even tell people how many heads of cattle he had, because then you could calculate somehow worth, right?
So I did learn to talk about money outside of the family. I come from a very middle-class Midwestern background. So, you know people with money were probably seen with distrust. Like, “How did you earn it?” Or maybe your values are so far away from our salt-of-the-earth values, right? So money is something uncomfortable for me and I’ve worked really hard to break through that and share that with my clients. And with Expat Coach Coalition, and with those people who are thinking about being entrepreneurs because that’s just kind of the definition of a business, right? You have to exchange value, right. You offer a service or a product and in exchange, you get money. And if we aren’t allowing ourselves space to talk about it, we’re actually going to limit ourselves.
So this is a process for me as well. And because it’s been such a process for me and clients that have been in similar mindset spaces. I have a hunch, It’s a process for you. So that is why I’m talking about it this week in week six, right? But before we dive in let me remind you that if you’ve been thinking about Expat Coach Coalition, this is absolutely the week. It is absolutely the foundation of the program that will help you. Really work your passion, grow your bank account, and love your life while you’re serving others. If you’re not familiar with Expat Coach Coalition, check it out. It is a complete industry proven, turnkey coaching solution for professional serving expats, and a personal and development business development program. So it’s all of that in one go.
Graduates of Expat Coach Coalition unanimously agreed that it exceeded their expectations. So I would love for you to join us.
All right, let’s dive into the topic of money. We’re going to lead with the wisdom of Zig Ziglar. He says, “Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘Gotta have It scale’.” Who would disagree with me? I don’t know about you, but I can’t pay rent without money and I can’t buy food without money. I am not a sustainable farmer and I don’t own my own land and house. So you gotta have money to live, at least many of us do.
So let’s dive in and look at, if we gotta have it, then how do we make sure that we get it or we keep it, or we’re optimizing how much can come flowing into our lives to do the things that we love.
Now you might be asking yourself, “What in the world is an Intercultural Strategist and Solution-Oriented Coach talking about money for?” Right? “Why is it her business or how come she has any authority or expertise to talk about that?” And the thing is, as I’ve said personally, I’ve gone through my own journey to sort of deconstruct the role of money in my life and it’s always an ongoing process. But what I’ve noticed is with the clients that I’m working with, money is actually tied to really deep stuff. So let’s just stop pretending that it’s not.
Money, when we are running, especially a service-based business, makes you focus not on your services, but I’m just going to say it, on your worth.
If you’ve got money crap, like I did, like so many people that I know do, when you are asked to put a price on your services, many of you will freeze because it’s like having to face what your value is. What your worth is. And if you’ve been an accompanying partner who’s lived abroad and been the one who has given up your thing so that your partner’s career could excel, maybe your self-worth has taken a hit. Maybe your self-confidence has been stomped on. So this is actually a really hard question for you.
It’s not as simple of, “Go out and benchmark what people with your level of experience are charging.” And don’t pretend it’s not.
Because all this emotional stuff gets tied up. So when I think about money, my first tip is stop pretending it’s not personal. Where we personalize money and the one thing that we have to do is knock it off. Like, stop ignoring that and allow ourselves to look at, what’s the crap that we’re telling ourselves around the value that is impacting how much we want to charge. Or how much we offer for free, and what we actually sell, right?
And we don’t want to walk away from this. It is so important to face this and then, name your worth. And name your worth isn’t random. It’s based on real scientific practices. Right? Like, what is the value of the thing that you’re offering? How many years of experience do you have? What kind of education do you have? What value does it have in people’s lives? What transformations have you been able to create for people?
So there’s all this market research which will help you come up with your price, and that’s outside of the scope of today’s podcast. And I’m going to leave it to the marketing, and sales and pricing experts to guide you on that. I’ll also give you a couple ideas in the show notes on where to go. What I’m saying is, that process will be less effective unless you do the inner work and allow yourself to name your worth.
And the ironic thing is, what happens with my clients, is in this process, I ask, “Well how many years of experience do you have
in this? How many years have you invested in your education about this? How many people’s lives have you touched because of this?” And when they start writing down the facts, it becomes impossible to no longer see your worth, right?
So tip number one, stop pretending it’s not personal because it is. And it’s my invitation to you to do that very personal work around money so that it’s not blocking you in your business. Because what will happen is if you don’t do that, you don’t really own your worth. It’s going to stop you in what you price. It’s going to stop you in your sales calls. It’s going to stop you left, right and center. It’s going to cost you a lot of money. And it’s also going to probably push away customers that would love to be served by you.
All right, number two. There’s such a thing as being too generous. There is such a thing as being too generous. And I say this, one of my values is generosity. But here’s what I often see, at least with coaches. And I’m sure there’s other service oriented businesses who are like this.
You know, years ago I read the book from Andrea J. Lee called Multiple Streams of Coaching Income. And she talks about the pink spoon, how when you go into an ice cream shop they give you a little pink spoon to taste ice cream that you’re thinking about buying. And then you taste it and you see whether you like it and then you go ahead and you buy, you know, the scoop or the double scoop, whatever it is. But what most people I see doing is they’re like, here’s a spoonful. Here’s another one. Here’s another one. Here’s another one. Here’s another one. Here’s another one. And all of a sudden a pint of ice cream is gone.
And how do you run your business? How do you keep that ice cream cold? How to keep the lights on in your shop? How do you pay the people who are serving the ice cream, if you’re never charging for this delicious stuff?
Right. So what I’ve seen, is that, there’s this dilemma around money, is how much should I give for free? And when is it time to charge? So, if you’re like many of the wonderful people that I work with, are you doing the pink spoon, or, are you just giving away the whole pint for free?
Here’s the thing. This is very connected to the next point. And the next point is, people want to give you money. People want to give you money.
If I went into a business and they gave me a pink spoon taste and it was tasty, and then they’re like here have this cone. I’d be like, “Wow, that was so generous of you! Wonderful. Thank you!” And, you know, give it to my kids for free and I’m like, “Wow, what’s going on here? Thank you.” It would be this odd one off, right? But if every time I went to that shop, they just gave me free ice cream, I would be wondering, “Well, what’s the deal here? How is this sustainable?” And I would feel bad for the business owner. Like, “How are you going to pay for this?” That when there’s an imbalance of giving, people want to re-establish the equilibrium.
For example, I’m working with a mentor coach right now and we’ve had like six sessions and I’m like, “Hey, can you please send me an invoice because I got so much goodness coming my way. Can I please balance that off by at least paying forward the first three months of our work together?” Right.
People want to give you money. And that’s this thing about the pink spoon. Give someone a taste of your work and then let them know what it would look like to have the single scoop or the double scoop and the right people are going to be happy to give you money for that, right? They’re going to be excited about that exchange and when it comes to the service-based stuff people show up way better when they’re invested.
I don’t understand why. I’d have to look up the research and get the science behind it. But what I’ve seen over years and years of my own work and with my clients is that if you give something, like, I don’t know, a prototype course, let’s say it’s over six weeks you want to test it. So, you’re going to give it for free, people will barely show up and they’ll come in and out. But if you give that exact same course, but you asked for, kind of a beta price, right, people will be so invested and guess what? They get so much more out of the program, right? Because people show up better when they’re invested, and you show up better when you’re invested.
All right, so there’s no such thing as being too generous, or there is! Sorry! There is such a thing as being too generous! Stop giving away the pink spoon.
So, let’s recap. When we’re talking about money, stop pretending that it doesn’t feel personal. Two, there’s such a thing as being too generous and three, your people want to give you money. And the fourth one is super simple, but powerful.
Number four, you’re not selling, if you’re not selling. What do I mean by that? I mean, you’re not going to get sales unless you’re telling people you have something to sell! And this is so obvious but needs to not be overlooked. If you have a service-based business, how long has it been since you’ve told them you’ve got a program to offer? How long has it been since you’ve told them you’ve got three spots open?
People might be just really enjoying your content and see you as a blogger. They might see you as a podcaster. They might see you as someone that they get inspiration from. Have you reminded them that if they want to go to the next level they could? And it would look like A, B or C, right?
The problem is, right now, in our times, especially with COVID, it’s so challenging. And we make these assumptions, “Oh people don’t have the money.” Or, “This is not the right time to sell.” Etc. Etc. But that’s not necessarily true for your people. It depends on what you’re offering. And we go back to the assumption that selling is helping, that you offer something that serves someone’s need or that solves someone’s problem.
So, what problems are you solving right now? What needs are you fulfilling right now? Well, then, why are you holding it back? Why aren’t you telling people that you help solve that problem or you can help meet that need and tell them what that looks like, that’s selling. And if you’re not actively doing it, they might not even think about hiring you. Right?
I’ve had so many people, you know, early on, when I was really reluctant to actually tell people about selling. When I started selling, people that have been on my newsletter for years said, “Oh my gosh Sunday! I wish I had known what you did earlier. I wish that I had gotten this kind of support six months earlier.” And I felt bad. Right?
Like, if I had gotten over my own selling crap faster, I could have helped that person faster. Of course, I’ve worked through that, since then, but that’s what I’m talking about. When we are, in an authentic way, telling people about how we can serve. We actually expedite the speed of supporting other people, right?
So, if you’re not selling, you’re not selling. Meaning, if you’re not telling people about the services that you offer and how it can add value in their life and what that looks like, then you’re probably not going to get any money coming in. And during COVID times, I don’t know why you wouldn’t want that, right? When everything feels uncertain.
There are people that I’ve talked to, many people I’ve talked to, who said, “This is so interesting.” They said, “I actually have more money now because of lockdown, than I had before March 2020!” Because the things that they normally go spend their money on, aren’t possible. So, some people actually have more money than they normally do and are excited about investing in things that are important to them.
All right. So those are four things that I kind of had on my mind today and I was a little “ranty” about. But it’s important to me that from a coaching perspective the things that I see people deconstruct all the time in my sessions. And also, what I’ve deconstructed, in my own life and my own sessions with marketing and sales professionals, those are things that are holding you back.
Right? If you want to have behind the scenes around, you know, having your own thing, money, is one of those things. And it’s important to look in the face, and that’s why I tried to offer four, sort of, statements that I think can play a role in your business and in your life. That needs to be faced so that you can get out there and feel really excited about how your business is running, and how you’re serving people.
Right? And I’ve got more for you. I’m just going to reference this really quick because if you want to go deeper around what might be holding you back, check out my four common excuses in episodes 168 to 171.
I break through four excuses. I see all the time. The first one is I’m not ready. If you’re thinking about starting your business, and you’re saying you’re not ready or a skill set isn’t there, check out episode 168, Trial by Fire.
The second excuse is, no one will buy it. And, that one, we smash in episode 169, Isolation Zombification. Right.
And excuse number three is, I don’t have time. That’s what many people use as a guard, and there’s actually something that you should do instead. Check that out in episode 170, Time to Triumph.
And episode 171, We look at the excuse, we don’t need the money.
All right, so I wanted you to have a ton of resources at your fingertips today for you to break through the things that are holding you back and money is one of them. Right? And here’s my really core message: I think it’s that, right now, during wonky COVID times, right, it’s November 2020, the economy is hard enough. So don’t let your own excuses be the thing that hold you back. Right? We’re going to have enough real challenges. Get rid of, at least the things in our head that are not true that are holding you back. Because you’re going to need your energy for the pragmatic challenges that are left. And I say that with love, and I say that from my own experience.
Listen, I’ve been in business for seven years. Prior to that, I ran my own sort of for-profit centre inside a corporate organization. I’ve had to confront this idea of value and money for over a decade, and I get it.
I’ve been through it all, in terms of my own money crap. I still have a journey. Right? There’s still things I’m sure that I can work on. I’ve been by my client’s side as they’ve faced this. So, I’m not holding anything back. These are real things that I know people are thinking. People always say to me, “Sundae, it’s like you’re a fly on the wall.” You know, “You’re inside my head. It’s creepy.” It’s because I’ve talked to a lot of people in deep ways in coaching sessions and you just know that you’re not alone because you’re a lot like many other people who have these blocks. Right? And the good news is that these are totally overcomeable. These blocks are totally overcomeable. So, let’s get over those and save our energy for the things that are harder to surmount.
All right. I hope you’ve enjoyed the six-week series behind-the-scenes. parallel to that, we were doing the five weeks of Expat Coach Secrets inside Expats on Purpose. So, I hope that you’ve enjoyed this. I don’t normally talk about business for this long and in this much detail. But, I really made a decision to do that because so many people, who are living abroad, have to do their own thing. Or would love to do their own thing, to increase the quality of their life. No matter where they are. Right? Or they’re starting to do it, they’re struggling, and they want to do more, to flourish, right?
So that’s why I decided to do this behind-the-scenes six weeks. It’s been a little bit vulnerable for me to share the back story of my journey, but I do that for you. I want you to know, if I’ve faced that and if I come out on the other side and I’m still standing, that you can too, right? And it’s actually not a departure, from our regular focus, on the ups and downs of expat life. Because, creating your “thing” is such a big piece of making the most of your life abroad.
All right, So, there you go. I hope you’ve enjoyed this. All of this is tied to my personal commitment to help you work your passion and grow your bank account and absolutely love your life. So, if you missed Expat Coach Secrets, don’t miss anything. We’ve got the recap for you in the show notes.
And really important this week, we’re doing the final follow-up calls and onboarding for Expat Coach Coalition. We are celebrating our one-year anniversary since the beginning of Expat Coach Coalition. We’ve had amazing graduates go through the four-month program and launch their own business or amplify how they’re showing up in their current business, so that they can really serve those in the global mobility space in a unique way.
So, if you’re thinking about it, and you haven’t yet heard from me, check your promotions folder. So, I’m hearing from people that I’m landing in spam. If you haven’t yet applied and you want to, just hit the link in the show notes and apply and I’ll get back to you right away. Right? If you’re on the fence, let’s connect. I want to help you make the best decision for you.
And I’m going to be really honest, when I started Expat Coach Coalition this time last year, I was not prepared for what was going to happen next. What I expected is, I would deliver really great value on the art of coaching, and the business, you know, of coaching to my clients and they’d be happy. And I would have some great relationships as a result, and a network of individuals for potential collaboration, you know, down the road.
But what I wasn’t prepared for was this amazing community and support, and even sisterhood that emerged of really living out my intention of, together we’re stronger. And amplifying each other, as they were at the beginning of their businesses together. Or down the road and extending a hand of support, or even gaining fresh perspective for those who are newer to the business. It’s been amazing! Right? It’s been humbling, to witness.
And yes I might have had a hand in it, but I feel like I’m just this small catalyst. It’s the quality of these amazing professionals in the Expat Coach Coalition that made it happen. So, I’m getting a little “verklempt” (overcome with emotion) when I think about it.
All right. So, if you’re thinking about it, let me know. I want to talk to you. I’m going to just share a few things from people who have graduated, what they said about Expat Coach Coalition, If you are thinking about it. And Seidel from Global Mobility Trainer, she said, “I joined to help me get a business off the ground that I’ve been talking about for over a decade. Now, I have the resources, more confidence to use specific plans, action steps, and a network of women that support me.” And has been showing up in amazing ways! Her level of professionalism, just from the start, just blew me away.
Jane Ordaz, you might know her as the founder of Menopausal Expat, is an absolute hoot and she said, “I knew I had it in me to start a business. Even my friends and husband tell me I look totally different, lighter and brighter. It’s quite profound. It’s really about my conviction that I can help others succeed.” And we’ve watched her crush it in what she’s doing through the Menopausal Expat.
Kim Adams from Family Preparedness, and brand-new podcast host. Which I’m really excited about, because she’s making a contribution in bigger ways in the expat community through her podcast, Expat Family Connection. She said, “You’ll get sisterhood, clarity and practice. To anyone who’s considering joining, I say, ‘Do it!’ This is a robust program from beginning to end and you won’t regret it.”
All right, so that is just a taste. If you’re on the fence, let me know. I would love to talk to you because we’re going to be getting started soon.
You’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour with Sundae Schneider-Bean. Thank you for listening. I’ll leave you with the words of Paul McKenna: “Money is one of the rewards you get for adding value to the lives of others.”