It’s a never-ending dual. You set an intention for change and, almost instantly, the tug of war begins. You’re pulled between what you want and what you want to avoid.
Cigarettes, junk food, dodging rejection, getting a wine-buzz, Netflix-binging, popping off at your spouse… Examples of what you’d see on your run-of-the-mill “want” side. Consequences from an unhealthy lifestyle, weight gain, depression, low self-esteem, professional dissatisfaction, marital turmoil… Land on the “want to avoid” square.
So, you decide to change, and then you try, and then you do well for a while, and then you slip. Instead of giving yourself credit for all you avoided, you shame yourself for the backslide.
Hey, what about the in-between? The hundreds of cigarettes you didn’t smoke, the dozens of times you kept your cool, the mountains of sugar you didn’t eat? You convince yourself it was all for nothing, and now, you’re restarting at zero.
Whatever the change is that you’re trying to make, acknowledge that it’s hard, especially if you’re doing it alone. We’re creatures of habit, and it’s not easy to reprogram your default. You won’t be flawless, and that’s ok. But don’t misconstrue relapse for failure.
This week, we’ll discuss the science behind the cycle of change, concentrating intensely on backslides. I’ll reveal the biggest post-relapse mistakes and share my empowered approach to rebound for the win.
What You’ll Learn in this Episode:
- The flimsy willpower stick
- Relying on the wrong people
- Confessions of a sporadic flosser
- Adding in a playfulness factor
- Self-gifting space and grace
Listen to the Full Episode
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- Prochaska and Diclemente Cycle of Change.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hello. It is 7:00 am in New York, 2:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 7:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I am a solution-orientated coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations. I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.
Before we dive into this week’s episode, I wanted to speak to the events that happened at the Capitol in DC on 6 January 2021. I did not want to let such an atrocious display of white supremacy go unacknowledged.
If you are doing the work, meaning – like me – you are invested in unpacking your own white centering, conscious or unconscious bias and harmful behaviors, then let what we’ve seen unfold before our eyes fortify our resolve to dig deeper and do more. Do better. As DEI expert Erica Hines says, “White allies, this is your fight and battle.”
A first step could be to review your list of values and goals that you have been working on in the last several episodes of Expat Happy Hour, and see if you have equity anywhere on the list. As you know as well as I do that this topic is not limited to the United States, systemic inequity is global.
And if you are a listener who is a member of the BIPOC community, I cannot find the words, and I cannot know your experience, but I imagine you must be angry, deeply saddened again, terrified about what is to come or simply fed up. You deserve better.
On the pragmatic side, if you are looking for a resource to have tough conversations with your kids about what we are seeing globally, I can recommend checking out Dr. Kira Banks from Raising Equity.
My hope for this week is for a peaceful transition and praying not one more life is lost to injustice.
So right after the New Year, my WhatsApp was flooded from holiday wishes for my clients and cheers for the new year. And there was something else that was going on. I noticed message after message after message that came in from my clients and even some of my friends had the same theme. It went something like this, “Hey Sundae, happy holidays! Hope that everything’s fine. You’re feeling more rejuvenated and replenished. Oh man, I don’t know about you but my holiday, I just felt like everything fell apart. I stopped running. I didn’t eat well. There was Netflix. I didn’t even work on my goals or my career planning or my business. I feel like all the progress I made in the last few months is gone and now I’m starting from scratch.”
So I read this message in flavor, you know, flavor of the month depending on who was coming from over and over and over again. And I realized that the one thing that everyone had in common was everybody was telling themselves, the effort they had been putting in to really create what they wanted and things that were important to them all is wasted and they’re starting from zero.
So I WhatsApped back an audio or a message to these people and the one thing they had in common with how they responded was cigarettes. I said, “Listen if you wanted to quit smoking and you decide to quit smoking in November, and you actually were successful and because of that you eliminated a hundred cigarettes from your diet. And then on New Year’s Eve you had a cigarette again. Do you think that that was for nothing?” Right? The impact those hundred cigarettes that you didn’t have is not damaging your body further. The impact that removing those hundred cigarettes away from your diet, so to speak, enabled your body to strengthen in ways that it wouldn’t have otherwise.
So I want you to think of those cigarettes and whatever it is for you, whether it’s working on sales and your business or going for a walk or being patient with your kids. Whatever it is. When you backslide it isn’t a total loss. It isn’t square one because you’ve created strength and health the time when you were doing it. And I think that’s something important. That’s something important I wanted to share with you because I was noticing it with so many people in my sphere. I felt like shouting it to the rooftops because it happens all the time.
And what I think the problem is that when we think about when we want to make changes in our life, well, I don’t know about you but I did this myself for years. I would think about a change I wanted to make and think, “Okay, I’m going to do that.” Like, “I’m gonna floss.” You guys are going to think this is terrible but like, “I’m gonna floss regularly”, right? And then I come back from the dentist and I’m all on fire and I got the minty floss, and then I do it for like two days, And all of a sudden a week and a half goes by and I’m like, “Crap! I haven’t flossed in a week and a half.” I know this sounds really gross.
Am I the only person who doesn’t floss out there? I am a sporadic flosser. I’m just telling you that right now. I have shame around it. I don’t want to have shame around it. I am working on it. But I have not yet made flossing absolutely who I am, right? I forget to floss because it’s not part of my routine, my habit, but was it a bad idea that I did floss for those few days? Did it remove stuff? Yes it did.
So the thing is we can shame ourselves because once we know, we should do right? But the problem is changing habits is so hard. And I just want to say that out loud. I’m just going to say it again: changing habits is so hard. And that might go against what a lot of people in the professional development space. You might hear some people rah-rahing going, “Oh, it’s so easy. You can do it! Blah blah blah,” no! Changing habits is hard. That’s why there’s an entire industry out there for dieting. That’s why there’s an entire industry out there to stop smoking. That’s why so many people want to do better with their kids and keep working on it. Because we are humans and we are creatures of habit and it is hard to get out of our default.
And I’m not going to hide that. And that is why I do things like have longer programs with my clients because I say to them, “This is not the year of tweak. This is a year of transformation.” Like anybody can change something. I can floss for three days in a row, boom, got it. But can I make that a lifelong habit, right? Or meditate or run or whatever it is for you. I just need to say that, that change is hard and people make it seem easy. And like they’ve got the answer and it’s easy, and I think that’s bullshit.
Because I stand by the side of individuals every day who are looking to make changes in their life and they are courageous. And they are showing up for themselves and they are doing the work and it’s not as simple as we think it is. And then we get frustrated at ourselves when we tried the thing which is the simple thing, but it’s not the right thing. And then we’re disappointed when it doesn’t work, right? And it’s not that massive changes can’t happen overnight. It’s not that you can’t have changed fast. I’m just talking about big picture, your habits that are deeply embedded, that stuff takes time.
So I’m on fire about this today because you’re listening to this. If you’re listening to it now, it’s January 2021. Love saying 2021, even though the year started out bananas. We are in the start of the year and many people have been hesitant to set intentions because of the unpredictability of our planet right now. But there is something in your heart that wants to set an intention and wants to make change in your life. Whether it’s with your health or your relationships or with your community or how you’re showing up for social justice or for the environment, whatever it is, there’s something in your heart that you would like to change.
And if you know what that is, but you’re not actually actively doing it right now, you can really get down on yourself. And if you started and then got off that habit, then you’re mad at yourself because you’ve taken a back slide.
So the first thing I really want to emphasize right now is what we know from change, what we know from how people operate is that back slides are not failure, right? And I’ll say more detail about this but it is really not failure. And when you have a back slide you feel like you’re going backwards you feel like you’re going on a downward spiral but actually the spiral goes up.
Okay, if you don’t believe me, then you can listen to two experts on change Prochaska and DiClemente where they talk about the cycle of change and what we know. For example, with social work or helping with changes in your health or well-being or addiction. Those are things that people work through and the cycle is pretty predictable. Right? I’ve covered this cycle in more detail and episode 108: Bounce Back from a Back Slide, but I’m going to cover Prochaska and Diclemente’s cycle really quickly right here so that we can make sure we’re all on the same page and you can refresh your memory. Because even the people that I was speaking to about the cigarettes knew this cycle. But you can forget it and it cannot be really embodied when you feel like you’re the one who’s backsliding.
Okay, so we’re going to use an example. I’m going to use running as an example because it’s really easy to connect to, it’s one that I connect to. And a lot of my clients have health on their radar for things they want to improve so this could be for anything. It could be around incorporating more sales processes in your business. It could be for being more patient with your kids. It could be for prioritizing your relationship. Whatever it is. It could be for anything. I’m going to just use a simple example today.
So for example, with change from Prochaska and DiClemente, we start with Precontemplation. And Precontemplation, there’s like no intention on changing your behavior because it’s not even on your radar, right? This is, I don’t know, when I think about me in relation to running. This was me when I wasn’t a runner. I used to be a dancer so I didn’t need running because I was moving a lot. And then dance stopped. I was going to German lessons. I mean this is all 20 years ago. And I will go on walks with my husband but I wasn’t even thinking about running. At the same time, I was out and about having plenty of fondue and white wine, and eating Swiss chocolate and my body was obviously absorbing all of this. And I wasn’t moving. I wasn’t moving my body so but it wasn’t my radar, right? So there’s no intention of changing my behavior, Precontemplation.
Then one day, it’s Contemplation. You’re aware that there’s a problem and it exists but you don’t have any commitment to action. So maybe that was the day where I’m like, “Oh man! My pants won’t button,” like, “What happened? My pants won’t button.” Or I was with my niece and running and I was out of breath after a minute. I’m going, “Jeeze, my lungs are burning.” Especially as someone who was a dancer her whole life. I was used to being fit and all of a sudden I was like, “What? I’m not fit anymore.”
So Contemplation is you’re aware of the problem, but you haven’t made a commitment to make it happen. And then Preparation is we’re like, “You know what this doesn’t feel good anymore. I want to get back to my strong self.” So you’re in Preparation phase. You’re intent on taking action to address the problem.
Keep in mind, we haven’t done anything yet. Nothing yet, but we still had to go through these three phases. Precontemplation, you’re in that state, boom the awareness happened, so it’s Contemplation. And then we have to prepare for it, the intention of taking action.
The next step is Action, where you actually work to modify your behavior. And then Maintenance, where you really try to keep this change sustainable, right? Where a new behavior replaces the old and that is the thing. That’s where people get stuck. It’s, “We can do this for a couple days.” But then to really replace the old behavior with a new one, that’s what we’re trying to do with Maintenance.
And guess what happens next? Relapse. We fall back into the old patterns of behavior because something wasn’t working. We prepared but we didn’t prepare for everything, right? We took Action, but maybe the Action wasn’t enough. It was the wrong time or with the wrong person. And that’s why Maintenance didn’t stay and you went to relapse. And the only way you can find that out is by giving it your first go and that’s what I mean by the upward spiral. Because we can only learn from the Relapse. We can only learn, “Hey, what didn’t work?”
So that is the thing, you learn from the Relapse and then it goes into that place of learning and then maintaining. Okay. So I think people do not give themselves enough credit for that and it’s not like a free pass to backslide right? That’s not what this is. It’s saying you are going to do your best job to prepare and you’re going to do your best job, knowing what you know now, to take Action, and then we’re going to work on this making a sustained change. And when it starts to backslide, then we’re going to create awareness around it and find out what didn’t work, what did work, and then adjust accordingly.
And the thing is when you’re supported in this process, you can work through these cycles faster and wiser.
So that’s the good news and that’s why I want to share that with you. And I’m trying to support you anyway I can and this is one way that we can. So here’s the thing. Some of you are listening and you’re like, “Normally Sundae, I’m really good at this. I’ve got this but right now it’s like the wheels are off,” right? Maybe there are things that were working, they’re no longer working. Maybe you stopped exercising. Maybe you’re drinking that extra glass of wine when you really shouldn’t. Maybe you’re not patient with your kids. Maybe you just can’t get yourself to send out the weekly newsletter. Whatever it is, the things that you used to be doing aren’t working. And here’s my question to you: Have you seen the news?
Of course not! What you were doing in 2019 that was working doesn’t mean it’s gonna work now because our context has changed so much, right? And now it’s no longer a surprise. We’ve had time to adjust to all the crap that’s happening in front of our eyes, but you’ve lost some equilibrium. You might be feeling discombobulated.
And so that is where we need to look at, “Okay, maybe we need to re-prepare.” Go back into the cycle and say, “Okay. This isn’t working anymore,” Contemplation. And then prepare differently based on the different context.
So I was talking to a friend over the weekend and I said, “I don’t feel a 10 out of 10 in terms of replenishment after this break. I’m still feeling some depletion.” And we were talking back and forth. And she said, “Well, I don’t know actually if we can feel completely all the way replenished anymore.” And I said, “You’re right. Why am I expecting 2019 results in 2020, 2021?” Right? We have to adapt what’s going on to the circumstances.
So in today’s episode I want to really leave you with the biggest mistakes I see people make when they face a backslide. And then what are the successful strategies that actually work when you do.
Okay. So here’s the first thing and I’ve been there. I’ve done this too. The first I see people make when they backslide is that they shame themselves. Like, “Oh, I’m better than this. I should know better. I should do better.” That shame that you feel, that frustration, that beating yourself up. And I believe this really comes from perfectionist tendencies. Like you all know that I call myself a recovering perfectionist so that idea of, “Okay, Sundae. You’re smart if you know it, you should be able to do it. And if you’re going to do it you can do it perfect. And you do it the first time and then latch.” Right? Then it’s like “Ah, I’m not good enough. I did a bad thing.” It’s so easy to go to shame and that does not serve us.
Shaming ourselves when we backslide does not serve us. We really need to be careful what kind of energy we invite when we’re in a change process.
So watch out for you. I’m curious for you. What do you shame yourself for when you have a backslide? And what does that sound like in your head? How do you talk to yourself? And just recognize that because the next time that voice comes up, you’ll be able to say, “Shh. All right mean girl. I got this.”
The second big mistake I see people make when they face a backslide is actually something that you wouldn’t suspect as being a bad thing, but they try to rely on Willpower. So how many times have you said, “I wish I had more willpower.” It’s like the holy grail for change. And I was reading in this article from American Psychological Association. They say that, “Lack of willpower is often noted as a number one reason for not following through on a change.”
So in a 2011 study, 20 percent of stress in America survey respondents reported that lack of Willpower was the most significant barrier to change. So we invest all of this energy in Willpower. And from what I’ve learned about Willpower is that it’s complex. And how do you define Willpower? Is it self-control, etc, etc. But one thing that we do know is that Willpower gets depleted. Right? So it’s like that gung-ho feeling you have of New Year’s resolutions and then by January 18th, you’re like, “Never mind.”
We cannot rely on Willpower alone. And it’s like setting yourself up for failure. If you rely on Willpower, you say, “I’m going to lift this thing up and hold it up with this Willpower stick,” and that stick collapses. Then you’re destined for whatever you want to change to collapse.
So Willpower is common in the top of our minds about what it’s going to take to change and it’s actually not the most important factor.
All right. Number one: You shame yourself. Number two: You try to rely on Willpower.
All right. So the third biggest mistake that you might be making when you face a backside is that: You rely on the wrong people. And the first mistake when you are relying on the wrong person is the person is no one. So check out last week’s episode 210: Rethink Resolutions, on what I think we have to do differently this year.
Right. I talked about the importance of especially in the unpredictability of this year and the weight we’ve been carrying, we no longer are going to be as successful on our own when we try to achieve what it’s important to us. That if you really want to optimize how you show up this year and the joy in which you experience the achievement of your goals, and the quality and speed, it will not be alone. It will be in community. That is my prediction. I stand by that I will check with you at the end of this year and you can tell me if I’m wrong but I do not think going alone is the answer.
And again as I said at the end of last week’s episode, “You have to do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone.” Right? And this is really big because of course, this is a challenge, you have a thing that you want to do. There’s changes in your life for you, your health. Maybe people you love, maybe communities who want to support, and you need input. You need new strategies, innovation, collaboration. Things that will get you going because if you’re still feeling depleted from last year, you’re going to need all the help you can get.
So the first problem is Relying on No One and I believe that Community is the answer. Go back to episode 210 and you’ll hear more.
The second part of this relying on the wrong people is that oftentimes we go to the people who are in the closest proximity of us, and that could be our partner. It could be a good friend of ours and you think, “Well, I’m going to rely on my closest people for support.”
And absolutely we need to rely on our closest people for support, but I wanted to just for a moment think about something. What we do know from research is that there are times when interacting with others can actually deplete your Willpower. And it’s like that scenario where one partner wants to have a sober October in the house, and the other one opens a bottle of wine, right? You don’t have a fighting chance!
So then if you’re relying on your people who have different habits, different priorities etc, that might not give you the umph that you’re looking for, right? You’re trying to make changes in your life that maybe your friend or your family member, one doesn’t understand. Two, they might struggle with themselves, or even more ironically they might be amazing at it and therefore don’t understand why it’s so hard for you.
So that’s a mistake people make is that they’re relying on the wrong people and because they’re close and it’s not working, then you feel like, “Well, I’ve tried everything, this isn’t going to work.” Right? So I just want to call out those three mistakes because I think they’re common. I would love to hear from you whether in the comments or the blog or on social media or an email to me, which of these three mistakes would you raise your hand and say, “Uh. Guilty. Yep, been there, done that.” Because I know I’ve done that. I have been there on each and every one of them. So I’m curious which one’s resonate with you.
All right, so I hope that gives you value just to think about, “Whoa. I caught myself in these three traps,” but of course, I’m not going to leave you there. I want to offer you the success strategies. I’ve seen in my own life, but also with my clients for over a decade when you face a backslide.
All right. It’s probably no surprise if the first mistake people make is shaming themselves, that the success strategy when you face a backslide is to: Give Yourself Some Grace. One of my clients that I completely adore says she wants to give herself space and grace. And that is definitely something when you notice a backslide energetically, it’s so different if you say, “Oh, okay. Yeah, I’m reverting back to the old ways. It’s okay. It’s okay. Just going to give myself some space and grace for that and I’m going to move on.” So if you are not actively doing that, I would really encourage you to give it a try. It feels so much better than mean girl, than shame.
And the second strategy when you face a backslide is what I would call: Rely on, not Willpower, but would be an Empowered Approach. There’s a difference between Willpower and Empowerment. Okay, and this is really where my years of coaching have tested this. How can we show up in Empowered ways. And it has to do with your head, hands, feet, mouth, eyes and ears. Okay, you know I like to give you really simple ways of seeing things. These guideposts will help you understand what you have to do to really approach this empowered.
Okay. So the first one: Head, is check your head. What is your mindset around the backslide? Or what you’re trying to achieve? So for example, if you’re trying to make a career pivot and you really feel like you haven’t invested any energy in there and you keep ignoring it. If you believe the thought, check your head, you believe the thought, “I can’t make a career pivot,” then how do you feel?
You feel defeated, right? And if you’re feeling defeated, you’re not going to try, you’re not going to do any research. Right, check your head. If you’re believing the thought, “I’ll never become a runner.” Then you feel hopeless and then what do you do? You don’t even ask a friend to be a running partner, right?
So the first step in the Empowered approach is really to check your head. What is going on in your mindset? What are you believing about yourself, about the doability of this? That’s Head. Check your Head. Look at your actual thoughts and write them down, “What do I believe about this backslide? What do I believe about this goal?” And find out what’s in there.
The next step is: Hands, that’s preparation. Hands is preparation. That means, “Well, what has to happen for me to run this week. Do I have running shoes? Do I have my running outfit? Maybe if I put it out by my bedside so in the morning, I see it right away and I’ll jump in my running outfit.” I have a client who actually puts on her running clothes in the morning. And so it reminds her, “Okay today you’re going to run maybe it’s not right away, but it’s sometime throughout the day.”
So preparation. Hands is preparation. You can go one step further with preparation and you can think, “Well if then, if I feel tired in the morning, then I’ll go after my coffee. If someone asked me out for lunch, then I’ll tell them ‘yes, after I do my run,’” right? What’s your game plan? That’s preparation. Head is check your head, Hands is do the preparation to really optimize the opportunity for you to succeed.
All right. Feet is where you actually take the steps. Feet is take the steps. That means you do it. And make sure that the steps are small and that they’re winnable, doable steps. Small wins. We talked about that last week in episode 210. So Feet is actually the process of small steps, actually doing it, making sure they’re in winnable chunks.
Okay, Head, Hands, Feet. Now we’re talking about Mouth. Mouth is one that most people forget. Most people forget this step and Mouth is communicate your intention and your plans with those around you. And this is not just about accountability. This is actually about the people that might sabotage your goals. So for example, if you tell your friends, “Listen, I want to go running in the morning,” and they asked you for coffee in the morning. You have to tell your friends, “Hey, if anybody asked me for coffee in the morning, make sure that you ask me back if I’ve gone running yet, because I’m only going to come and have coffee with you, unless I’ve gone running.” So get other people involved.
Another thing that I often see happen with partners is that one person will have an intention to, let’s say, add more time for meditation in their day. But they didn’t tell their partner, so their partner wants to watch Netflix,
as you have for months, and all of a sudden you’re going to meditate. And it takes a partner off guard because you had no idea, right? So it’s going to be difficult unless you communicate that to your people and let them know so that they can be your cheerleaders, and be by your side. Or you have to give them a heads up and say, “Hey, I am no longer available for cooking lunch five days a week. We’re going to order in one day. So then I can go running that day.” So that’s about communicating boundaries. That’s the Mouth.
Okay, Eyes is noticing the micro results. Eyes is noticing the micro changes that happen when you actually take that small step. So if you want to get up to, you know from couch to 5 Km, maybe you go around the block and you notice you feel a little proud of yourself afterwards. Or maybe you notice you’ve got a little bit more energy, right? Micro results. Don’t wait for gigantic transitions, you know awesome calve muscles, like that will come but right now notice the micro results. That’s Eyes.
And finally Ears. Ears is listen to what needs to shift. And that is when you backslide. When things aren’t working anymore you listen, “Okay, what was going on that led to that backslide,” right? And then rinse and repeat. That is an Empowered approach.
That’s the big big big big one. Right and I’ve tried to break it down for you to make it simple through Head, Hands, Feet, Mouth, Eyes and Ears to keep it simple and you can stay focused. It is the heart of this entire successful strategy.
But there’s two other things that are simple but will take you much further and number three is: Make it Fun.
Why do we have to take ourselves so damn seriously all the time, right? Like, you might be serious about your goal, but you don’t have to make it serious in the doing. What if you actually added a little fun? So again with the metaphor of running. What if you put in a really super funny podcast or what if you had an audiobook that you love? Or what if you had that funny friend come with you? What do you have to do to make this fun?
I really think people underestimate the power of playfulness and the reason why that’s so important to me; one, playfulness is a value of mine, but I deal with some really serious stuff, in people’s lives, and the impact on people’s lives is high impact. People are serious about making changes in their life because they matter and what I’ve noticed is when there’s a spirit of playfulness in there, it keeps the mood elevated, and keeps the motivation high. It’s like the missing ingredient, not a lot of people talk about it.
What we do know from research though, is that a good mood can actually overcome some of the Willpower depletion effects that I was talking about before. So actually, we know from science that it makes an impact, right?
So if you’re adding to your success strategies right when you were coming back from backslide, add in a little fun, right? What are you gonna do to make achieving your goal more fun? Do that.
Okay, and now number four is really important and this is also what we know from research. Number four, successful strategies when you face a backslide, is Do Not Do This Alone. The American Society of Training and Development did a study on accountability, and it found that you have a 65% chance of completing a goal if you commit to someone. And if you have a specific accountability appointment with someone that you’ve committed to so that means not only a person and a time that you’re going to show up. You’re going to increase your chance of success by up to 95%.
95%. And that is why, Do Not Do This Alone, is so important one. It just feels better when you know, you’re not alone and you’ve got someone there to support you, but it actually impacts results. And I know because I’ve been helping people who are living Olympic-level lives for over a decade get what they really want, right? And over and over I hear from people that the strategies alone are not what brought them there, but having the support and the instant feedback was what kept them moving.
And the thing is, if you’re living a globally mobile life, it is Olympic-level right? You might be someone who is in a challenging context and still trying to prioritize your health and you need as much help as possible to do this in challenging circumstances.
So everything that I’ve shared with you today has been used to create results with my clients. And I’m talking about people who are recognized podcasters, published authors, now patient mother’s, industry changers, successful entrepreneurs, finally supportive husbands, and ex-perfectionist. You name it. This is what it takes and I’m not hiding it, the cat is out of the bag. Give yourself Grace. Rely on an Empowered approach. Make it fun. Don’t do it alone.
So there you have it. I’ve given you everything at your fingertips to go ahead and do it. But I know very, very well that knowing isn’t the same as doing and that is why I have got your back and it’s exactly why I created Expats on Fire, for that reason. I want to do everything I can to help amplify your success as you work towards what’s meaningful for you this year.
And it could just be being more gentle on yourself. It could be just to do a better job taking care of you. It could be to be a more patient parent. It could be to get six figures in your business. I don’t know what it is. But I want to be by your side to make sure you continue to approach your goals from that empowered space. And I want to support you in achieving those small wins so you can make strides forward on what means the most to you, no matter what this year throws at us.
So check out Expats on Fire, if you’re looking for the support we just talked about. You don’t want to do all the thinking yourself. You want some support to sort of dive right in. Expats on Fire is a brand new community. You get access to the private community for six months, live monthly training for me, monthly progress guides, and these guides alone will transform how you show up all month long. So it’s fun! We’ve got challenges and prizes. You have access to what I call the Resource Vault or Expat Vault. It’s a resource library with hundreds of hours of training and worksheets and videos, and podcasts, and blogs that I’ve created over the last seven years of my business. And of course many coaching and video drops from me in the community all month long.
I’d love for you to check it out. Especially those of you who have thought about working with me in the past, but weren’t sure if it was a right time or if you could afford it. I know what some of you are thinking, you’re like, “Sundae. I know you’ve been doing this for a decade. I know that it costs a lot of money to work with you,” Right? And my clients do invest to work with me, but they say it’s worth every penny because of the results that they get.
But this program is really different. This is a community and the program is designed for you to draw on the support that I offer and within the community to get life-changing results. And here is the thing, for under $100 a month. I can’t even believe I’m saying that but it is important to me to offer you a resource that is really doable for a wide variety of people, rather than something exclusive for only a limited group. Right?
I’ve never before offered something at this rate so if you’ve ever wanted to work with me or you wanted to but couldn’t afford it, this is absolutely the time. Okay, so I’m not trying to promise you the moon. I’m just sharing what results I’ve seen with my clients. You can take it from the people who’ve worked with me in group programs like this before.
Carol El Hawary, she’s actually the founder of this amazing literary tours website in Egypt. And after she did a group program with me, she said, “Working with Sundae in the group was one of the most productive periods of my life. I made significant progress on several of my projects. It changed my mindset from normal 9 to 5 working to working for myself. It gave me clarity.” And again, I promise you it will be serious results, but also fun.
Susan Shirley who is a cross cultural leadership adviser said, “Sundae gives individual attention in a group setting in a way that everyone learns from each individual’s questions and comments. It isn’t an easy balance to strike. The group coaching sessions are fun, and I learned a lot. But even though it’s fun, Sundae doesn’t let you get away with negative narratives and calls you out for excuses. She helped the group really be a cohort and it was a great support system.”
All right, so if that resonates with you, come and join me, check out Expats on Fire. I would love love love to welcome you to this amazing community and help you transform the trajectory of your life this year, and really make changes that matter to you.
All right, do not leave this year up to chance. It’s time to show up for you so that you can make the most of it no matter what 2021 throws at you.
You’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour with Sundae Schneider-Bean, thank you for listening.
I’ll leave you with the words of Naveen Durgaraju, “Bet on yourself. You are your wisest investment.”