223: The Fallacy of Consistency

Hello. It is 4:00 am in New York, 10:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 3:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I am a solution-orientated coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations. I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.

 

If I could just be more *fill in the blank with something you struggle with* then I would be *insert the thing you dream about*. This probably sounds familiar, “If I could only be more consistent with writing then I would finally be a published author.” 

 

“If I could only be more consistent with carving time out for my business then I would finally make predictable income.” 

 

“If I could only be more consistent with social media, then it would grow my following,” right? 

 

We know that consistency is important to be successful and so many solopreneurs that I know beat themselves up when they’re not being consistent enough. It’s like they’re holding themselves back from grabbing the key that will unlock what they really want. But based on what I’ve seen working with entrepreneurs and coaches and other people who are really trying to do their own thing for years, is that something else is actually blocking them. And it might be blocking you. 

 

So today I’m going to share three ways you’re unknowingly blocking yourself from consistency that has nothing to do with productivity. And all of this is taking place parallel to my six session series inside the private Facebook group Expats on Purpose because I am pulling back the curtain on a ton of Expat Coach Secrets, things that I have learned in the last eight to ten years because I really want to support entrepreneurs, expat business owners, solopreneurs. Anyone who is in this global mobility space and is doing the best they can to create what they really, really want because I want you to work your passion, grow your bank account and love your life. So if you haven’t signed up yet, don’t worry, we will send you the sessions you’ve missed and you can catch the ones that are coming up live. All the details are in the show notes. 

 

Just a little sneak peek before we dive into those three things I promised. This week, if you’re listening live when it got released, we will have Elena Darmenko, who is a graduate of Expat Coach Coalition and she’s talking about Introverted Expats and how if you are an introvert expat, how you can really discover your superpowers to better adapt abroad and really enjoy where you are.

 

And in my power session happening this week, I’m going to share some tested coaching methods on how to prevent burnout or backslide. So that’s probably important for you. But if you work with other expats, it’s probably important for them as well. Plus I’m going to share some business booster strategies to help you offer your services ick free. So check it out because it’s all happening inside Expats on Purpose and you can get those links in the show notes. 

 

Okay. So let’s dive in here. The thing is, you think your problem is consistency. But before we really go down that road, we need to check if it’s something else instead. And as I said, there are 3 Consistency Blockers that I’ve noticed that might be holding you back. So I will show all three and we’ll dive in. I promise to give you some resources for each one so that you can get started with breaking this not consistent cycle. 

 

Okay ready for Consistency Blocker 3? We’re gonna go countdown, 3 2 1. Number 3 is: You tell yourself you’re not creative. So when you think your problem is being consistent, it’s actually that you’re lying to yourself saying, “Well, I’m not a creative person. So I don’t have anything to write this week. I don’t have anything to say this week. I don’t have anything to add this week,” right? You’re telling yourself, you’re not creative, which is really not true. You’re absolutely undervaluing your voice. And if you want a resource for this check out Episode 200: The Consistency Commitment in Expat Happy Hour where I dive into that a bit more. 

But the thing is about consistency is if you go and dive into what you have to say and it’s like you’re taking a cup and you scoop up a cup of creativity water from inside of you and you pour it out that week, there’s more. You have unlimited creativity. In fact, you’ve got to go in and grab that cup for the next layer to surface. So it’s actually in the doing that you become more and more creative. So again, I share more in episode 200, but stop telling yourself, “You’re not creative.” Stop telling yourself, “You don’t have anything valuable to say.” That is actually blocking you from consistency, but it’s not about productivity. It’s about you not honoring your voice.

 

And maybe you are a feng shui expert or maybe your yoga teacher. Maybe you’re a writer. Maybe you’re a podcast or whatever it is, you have a unique perspective that other people don’t have and that is valuable. Just the fact that it’s different from what someone else is saying is valuable and by sharing that message, something else will flood in after that has been shared. So you’re really unlimited in terms of what you can share. And if you’re saying, “Sundae, I’m really not feeling creative right now,” I get that. Especially the way this last year has been but my solution when I’m feeling like I don’t have anything original to say is look at my own life. Am I really living right? Am I resting? Am I exploring something new? Am I reading new things? Am I doing something fresh? 

 

And even if you’re saying, “I can’t do that. I’m in lockdown,” you can take an online boxing class, right? You can take an online Reiki class. You can do something fresh and by stretching yourself and doing new things inevitably will teach you, not just about the thing you’re learning, but about yourself. And those are always really important lessons that pour in to your work and my clients work. 

 

I don’t know if you were following recently, I talked about boxing and how we’ve started boxing in my family. And when I am confronted with boxing lessons that are really intense, I learn so much about myself in that process because it really shows me where my edges are. So if you are telling yourself, “I’m not creative,” or you don’t value your voice that is actually the blocker to consistency because you’re not dipping in with that cup and pouring it out and allowing the next bit to flood in, and you’re undervaluing your voice. 

 

So instead of looking for no new ways to be consistent, I’m going to invite you, if this resonates, is to actually look at new ways to tap into your voice. Look at new ways to value what you have to say and look at new ways that you can get playful or do something different in your life to have fresh elements and then it will come naturally. All right. So that’s consistency blocker number three. Let’s move on to number two. 

 

All right Number 2, sorry to say but it’s not consistency you struggle with, if this is you, it is Boundaries. So you actually struggle with boundaries not consistency. And what does that mean? It means, you know you’re not carving out non-negotiable time to work on your things. You’re not carving out non-negotiable time to take care of your health, so you have the energy to do the work that you want to do. 

 

I was speaking in a group a couple weeks ago and I talked about the secret to my consistency is I paid close attention to my attention diet, that my energy is my asset. 

 

So my energy is my asset. I have to be really, really careful about my attention diet. When am I doing tasks that require my most focus? When am I doing tasks that don’t need hyper-focus? Am I taking care of my body? Am I sleeping enough so that I’ve got high quality attention? And this is inspired from Graham Allcott’s book Productivity Ninja, you might recognize that name when he joined us on Episode 152: Productivity Makeover with Graham Alcott. 

 

So check that out because that is really important when you’re creating boundaries. It has to be boundaries not just around your working hours, but boundaries around when you take care of yourself for sleeping or for eating nutritiously or for exercising, those are all important boundaries. And those good boundaries will then lead to that energy, and that attention that you need to be consistent. So again, the blocker is not consistency, it’s boundaries.

 

And obvious with boundaries. It’s around saying “no” and being able to communicate those boundaries to those people who are impacted by your work. By shared parenting for example, or what you’re doing in other work projects. It’s really important to create healthy boundaries with the people that are tied to you so that you can be showing up consistency consistently.

 

So tied up in boundaries is obviously this ability to say “no,” right? To say “no” to what serves you and say “yes” to what does it’s important to create to communicate boundaries with those that you’re tied to maybe your co-parenting. Maybe you’re running a household together. Maybe you are working on a project with someone and the ability to set really clear boundaries that serve you and your goals. 

 

So check out Episode 151: Boundaries with Jennie Miller. She’s a co-author of the book Boundaries, and it’s full of insight on how you can manage your boundaries better so you can say “yes” with your whole heart in alignment with your values to the projects you are investing in, and then guilt-free say “no” to the things that don’t serve you. So that’s really important, if you think you’re struggling with consistency, but deep down in your heart, you know that we found your consistency blocker, that is boundaries, check out those two podcasts because that will really help you create boundaries around your energy. Boundaries around your attention. And boundaries around how you spend your time and what you say “yes,” and “no” to, so that you can really show up for your work and for your projects and what means most to you. And that is more important than just focusing on consistency because it’s like creating the space in which you can create everything else. 

 

All right, so that’s Consistency Blocker 2. I have a hunch, there’s a lot of us who are listening who could do better with our boundaries. So if that’s you, check out those two episodes. 

 

All right, now we’ve had Blocker Number 3 was: You tell yourself you’re not creative. Block Number 2 was: You’re not struggling with consistency, it’s actually your boundaries.

 

And now consistency Blocker Number 1. It’s not about consistency. What’s really holding you back is you’re afraid of being judged. Yep. I said it out loud. You’re afraid of being judged, of not being liked. You’re worried people won’t agree. Right? I get that. I understand how scary that can feel when you put something out there, whether it’s a podcast, an article, the chapter of a book and you’re really working hard to show up for your area of expertise, for the people you’re trying to serve but it feels scary because you might be saying something that’s uncomfortable. And can you see how that would sabotage any consistency? Because you’re constantly analyzing whether people will like you or judge you. Of course, they’re going to judge you! We’re always judging based on what we value. What our stuff is. And the judgment could actually be really good. Maybe they love what you have to say. 

 

We’re afraid of actually being rejected and I don’t want to be rejected either, right? I get this. I felt this. This has blocked me in the past but it is actually the thing that you need to bust through before you can show up consistency consistently. So check out Episode 199: The Client Prowl and Episode 198: Love/Hate Parallel because that will give you more on how you can break through that fear of being rejected and show up for yourself. 

 

I get it. I get it. I’m curious to hear whether all three resonated with you or whether it was one or the other. But if you’re like most people, maybe you got all three blocks, right? And that is totally okay because then we’ve really discovered something valuable. Because if you’re telling yourself, “It’s consistency,” but it’s actually one or more of these three things, you’ll never break the cycle. So now, the great point is that it’s just up to you to realize what’s blocking you and then do the work. 

 

So here’s the thing, we can all benefit from being more consistent. However, the next step to actually doing that is to understand what is really blocking us. So I am celebrating you if you have all three of these, this is great news because now you know these are three things, you can work on to get even better. Right? If none of these matched you then you’re still trying to figure out what is holding you back. So the more you got the more to celebrate because now you’ve got so much to leverage. Really celebrating you if these things resonate with you. 

 

All right, if you want more, don’t miss Expat Coach Secrets. This is our six part series happening inside my private Facebook group Expats on Purpose. And that whole thing is just a taste of what you’ll get in Expat Coach Coalition, our four-month program, which is an industry-leading group of professionals united by our passion for serving expats. And it’s a turnkey solution for you to gain knowledge and strategies required to operate a durable and profitable coaching business which caters to the globally mobile. 

 

So it would love to have you join me, check it out. That’s also in the show notes. We’ve just got a couple weeks more to apply and to hop on the phone with me to see if it’s the right fit for you.

 

There you have it, the three blocks to consistency that you’re hiding from yourself. And now you got it so you can get started. 

You’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour with Sundae Schneider-Bean. Thank you for listening. I’ll leave you with the wisdom of Christine Langley-Obaugh: “We repeat what we don’t repair.”