233: Expat Untold: Endgame Diaries

Hello. It is 8:00 am in New York, 2:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 7:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com and this is a very special episode celebrating my 8th business birthday! I am a solution-orientated coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations. I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.If there’s one thing I love, I love birthdays! So I am so excited to have you here with me celebrating my 8th business birthday. By the time this goes live it will have just turned the corner, June 18th is my official business anniversary and I am celebrating 8 years. This episode is part of the five part series Expat: Untold for a very good reason. Often when we see something that is successful, we don’t see what is behind the curtain. What it took for someone to build that very thing they have been dreaming of. And in 2012, this idea of my company came to be and I had no idea what was ahead of me. I’m kind of glad I had no idea what was ahead of me. 

 

So here’s the thing, for this episode, I am going to be really, really transparent about what has happened behind the scenes since the beginning in 2012, when the idea first came for me to start my own business and then what that really looked like as I grew in my company, as I grew personally and as I grew my community. And I’m not going to hold back because I think it’s important that we share those things. 

 

So if you’re working on creating your dream, you’re working and creating your business, whatever that is, you kind of get that what you’re going through might be normal. So in this episode, I’m going to talk about how it all started, where it started, what really happened behind the scenes. What this has to do with you and your dreams and what’s next. But to be honest, I kind of have this funky feeling in my throat, like I’m holding back tears because I just finished taking notes on the last eight years and what was going on in my business and it brings up a lot of emotions. It also brings up a lot of vulnerability, things that feel really good to keep behind the curtain. 

 

So it feels like I’m sitting there, a little bit like what cats do with their belly open, inviting you to come in and give me a pet but also ready with my claws in case I get hurt. It’s this weird feeling of vulnerability that I get when I feel like I’m about to share something really personal. Anyway, there you go. I just shared one thing right there. 

 

Okay, so let’s dive in, I’m going to give you a bit of a backstory. So 2012, I had really just achieved my dream job. I was working at the second biggest company in Switzerland and I was Head of Intercultural Management. I had just gotten off of maternity leave and had two boys. Was training companies across Switzerland, also coaching CEOs of point nine billion dollar companies across the country. Was being invited for conferences and to speak in Europe and other communication conferences and was doing more than I ever thought I was capable of. I was doing this in English and German and life was good. 

 

I had worked really hard to adapt culturally to Switzerland and learned German and reskilled myself to make a life in Switzerland. Get coach trained, finish my Master’s Degree etc, etc. And then one day my husband walks in and he says, “So honey, I applied for a job.” And I said, “Oh, you did?” I had no idea he was even looking for a new job. He goes, “Yeah. It’s with the Foreign Service,” and I’m like, “Really?” And he goes, “Yeah, I thought it would be good for us to live and work abroad.” And I looked him in the eyes and I said, “I do live and work abroad.” 

 

Long story short, we were on our way to West Africa to Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, and I decided to leave my corporate position and start my own company for a lot of very good reasons. One of them was because I knew it would improve my own intercultural competencies and stretch me professionally in new ways, in addition to having my kids experience more of the world and understand what more of the world looks like. 

 

So anyway, I had to do a lot of work to give up my position, start my company and I had to tool myself up. I had no idea how to have a company that was online. I was kind of in a cushy job or I had a marketing and sales team, I had IT at my fingertips. I had legal at my fingertips. I had a boss who could guide me and all of a sudden I was on my own. 

 

And so I got started trying to understand what that would look like. And I started with what they call the endgame. So for any of you who are at the beginning of your business, you might want to run an endgame or maybe you’re thinking about the next three to five years of your life, what you want that to look like. Endgame is a practice where you imagine what you want to have by the time the game is done. Whether it’s the end of your assignment or the end of your profession, whatever it is, right. 

 

So I wrote my endgame, it was part of my coach training that I was just finishing up at that time. And I looked back at my journal and March 1st 2013, I wrote down that my end game and I put a time frame on it, that was August, 2013, that I wanted when I landed in Ouagadougou. And here’s what my endgame was: I’ve established my coaching practice as a legal entity and my tax status is clear — by the way, for any of you ever tried to establish a business, that’s a hundred percent location-independent, that can already be a huge task — I have a website, which clearly communicates who I am and what I do. In hindsight, I realize how naive that is, you know who I am? Like, get me to articulate who I am and what I do? Again, it sounds simple but it is a hard job. 

 

I have a freebie for them to receive and they opt in to my newsletter. I have been doing some homework on what you should do if you have an online business, I knew it was called a freebie. Got that. Check, check, and I’m clear on my services and how much I charge for them — Okay, that was okay because I’ve been doing that in corporate for a while — I have a simple communication plan for social media that feels in alignment with who I am and who I serve — Oh, here comes the who I am again business. *laughter*

 

So that was my game plan. Simple, really pragmatic, and it’s a great but game plan like with hindsight, good job. That was a good game plan. But now with hindsight, I know that some of that was harder than I thought it would be. 

 

So that was 2013. When I landed in August, I did a pretty good job at getting there. I don’t know if I had an opt-in yet and I don’t think I was very good at the communication plan. I think it was like I was going to blog once a month. But it was a start and that was good. So I got going with my business and this is again my first year. We actually landed in August 2013, so my first business here was an 18 month year which meant it went all the way through to the end of 2014.

 

But while I was there, I got feedback from a really good friend of mine. She knew I was working a lot on my business and she believed in what I did and one day she pulled me aside. So sweet. She’s like, “Sundae, I need to tell you something.” And I’m like, “What?” She goes, “You are hiding behind your computer.” 

 

And I was like, “Uh, what?” She totally called me out in a loving way. She said, “You do more online but you need to get in front of people also here locally.” And she was right. I was hiding behind my computer because that felt safer to do it from behind my computer at my desk, than in front of people and put myself really out there with people within my community. It felt safer to do it, that with some unknown stranger, who knows where on the planet, scarier to do it with people in my local community. 

 

And guess what? She was right. So what I did is I put it out there to my local community in two places. 

 

And instantly. I got clients and interest. So if she hadn’t called me out on that, I would have kept hiding. Thanks to that, I got more clients locally, but then also abroad and started to coach a couple people. It was fun, like three to five people. I was feeling good. Well, after coaching some wonderful people for three months or six months, I asked for feedback. And, again, during this time, 2014, I got feedback from a loving client. She said, “Yeah, when I first started to work with you, I didn’t know if I should even write you, because you were unapproachable,” and I was like, “What? Me? Unapproachable?” She said, “Yeah, everything on your website was so stiff and corporate. And I didn’t know if you would work with a stay-at-home mom like me.” And I thought, “Are you kidding?” There is something going wrong in my marketing if I’m giving out the vibes “Unapproachable.” 

 

So what that did to me was of course, first I went into a kind of a little panic like, “Crap. I’m unapproachable, what’s going on?” But then it was like this lesson of, “Okay? What, what am I doing, what visual images am I putting out there? What language am I using?” And I worked hard to make a shift to help the way I engage with my clients on a regular basis would match better what I was putting out to people. 

 

So that is how my business started, really pragmatic, daunting and out of necessity of choices that we made doing the hard work to get savvy on the online thing. 

 

So after that I thought I better get serious. So in January 2015 I created a new endgame, right? And at the time this end game was more like, if I’ve completely made it. Like if at the end of my life, if this is a business that I created and it’s like the peak definition of my career. So this is what my endgame was that I wrote in 2015, and again, it kind of feels a little bit vulnerable to share for some reason. I guess because it’s being really transparent with you about what I want and maybe it’s because it makes me feel like I open myself up for what they say in German, like a fläche, like a surface. It gives you a surface to look at and say whether you think I can do that or not right.  So I think that’s why it feels vulnerable. I told you total transparency, there you go.

 

I’m going to share with you what I had in mind in January 2015. I knew I had to really get clear on what I was trying to create. And again, I was nowhere near the end game. I had a handful of clients. I was writing a blog once a month and there I was, January 2015, 

 

I have a successful coaching and consulting practice with clients within the region and internationally. I deliver both face-to-face and virtual coaching training, and consulting as well as speak at large events in West Africa, Europe in the United States. I’m featured in the media like internet blogs, websites and my clients are corporate and geopolitical professionals and their partners and families in the international context who want to live well, and work successfully across cultures without losing their sense of purpose and adventure. The positive impact of my work is enhanced by the scope of influence my clients have. I want to be known for delivering results in an environment that feels inspiring and fun. My clients are also connectors, who are happy to spread the word about the quality of my services. My business is driven through multiple streams of revenue, several of them automated. I have a waiting list of clients I can’t wait to work for. I’m seen as a highly valuable asset for my key partners. And I’m asked frequently to participate in revenue enhancing projects.

 

I have a good balance between my family and work as well as a variety in the type of clients I serve and method of delivery. I’m always learning from my clients and able to directly use this insight for the benefit of my clients as well as the creation of new products. 

 

What I gained adds value to a community in need indirectly through awareness, raising on a specific topic and directly through a donation or specific proportion of my profits. 

 

So keep in mind, January 2015, I probably had 300 people on my newsletter, if that, maybe 200 and about 177 were probably my friends from high school. Someone posted on Facebook and thought they’d subscribe to see what I was doing in the last 15-20 years. I didn’t have an audience. I was living in West Africa. Most of the client-side served were expats, but in Switzerland, probably, I was out of mind by the time I moved to West Africa. So this was very very very far away, but this was my endgame. This is the thing. If I can achieve everything my heart desires, this is it. 

 

And so that’s how I started January 2015. And I move forward on that and let me be really honest. I didn’t build my business as fast as I wanted to. Remember, I had left my dream job, a corporate income, the type of salary where they give you a 13th month so you pay for your taxes. This was HARD for my ego to go from that to nothing. In fact, my first year, I keep telling this story to my coaches, when I train them is, my first year of business, I made $36,000, but I spent $35,000. And when I brought my statement to my husband, at the end of the year, and “Oh my God, look at what happened!” And he’s like, “Congratulations! You made a profit in your business.” He’s like, “Sundae, that’s fantastic for your first year.” 

 

It was so hard on my ego, it was so hard. And the second year was honestly, not that much better and I thought, “Are you kidding me? Did I seriously give up everything that I built in Switzerland to move to West Africa and give my entire year, give it my all and not feel like I’m reaping the rewards from all of this work?” So I was plunging through and yes, I was making progress. And yes things are progressing and then by, I think it was 2015, I started to feel like, “Okay, now I know what I’m going to do next year to really ramp up what’s going on.” It was getting very serious and I ended up signing up for a year-long mastermind program for marketing and sales. 

I thought this is what is really going to make a difference between just barely covering my expenses to an actual business. So I signed up at the end of 2015 because I was super committed to making this work. And then the terrorist attacks happened in Ouagadougou a day before my birthday. And the mastermind had just started. 10 days later we split our family across continents and suddenly I was a solo parent in Switzerland working full time, helping my kids in transition and my husband was back in Burkina Faso. And I still had to move forward. 

 

So I continued and I showed up for this marketing and sales program, I showed up for my kids, I showed up for my clients. I showed up for this bi-national family situation that we had, and I was seeing progress. I was really seeing progress. But by the time I think it was around June, it was like halfway through the year. I took a look at where I was at in terms of revenue and I did some projections on what the end of the year was going to look like if I continued on that same pace and I got the numbers ready. And I looked at what was going on, and I had this call with my coach and it ended up being this like, snotty, sobby, cry fast. And it was really embarrassing. 

 

This wasn’t my therapist. This wasn’t my life coach. This was my sales and marketing coach. Because basically, I said, “I’m doing everything I can and I am making progress but it still doesn’t feel commiserate with what I’m investing.” And that night, she and I made a plan on what was going to change. And that night, I recommitted myself to do things differently. And what that meant is I had to also take risks for me. Get out of my comfort zone. Do things that pushed my boundaries because if I stayed in my comfort zone, I would stay in the status quo. 

 

And that meant really owning my value. That meant putting myself out there, that meant making the ask. And that felt scary for me because that felt again, vulnerable. Do you see a theme? Remember the kitty with the open belly at the beginning? Yes. So it felt vulnerable, but it absolutely was what I needed to make a difference. And so, then, what did I do? I started working with this really tough New York City media team who totally kicked my butt at making me put more of myself out there. In fact, they almost quit me one call because I was really softening everything I really wanted to say and they were like, “No Sundae, say it like it is,” right? 

 

I started this podcast which felt way more vulnerable than just writing a blog. I doubled how often I was showing up for my community from twice a week to once a week. I distilled a decade worth of the tools and experience I had gained working with expats and created an online program called Adapt and Succeed. Investing a lot of money to make that happen by flying across the world and having a professional media team produce it in New York City. 

 

It was finally showing up for what I wanted. As you heard in the endgame before I wanted to have something that was automated. I had heard from very large organizations that they wanted to work with me but “Sundae, we love working with you, but is it scalable?” I knew I needed to have something that I could offer an organization and with a touch of a button, I could serve hundreds or thousands, and that is what it took for me to live up to that every single step of the way I resisted.  I hit my boundaries because it was me standing in my know how. Me being more visible. Me owning my voice. 

 

And that might surprise you, but I’m sharing it with you because if I’m owning my voice now it is only because I practiced back in 2016, 17, 18, 19, 20. If you practice anything for five years, you’re going to be in a different place, right? And the reason why I’m sharing that is because if you want to build your dream or create your project and you’re not uncomfortable, you’re probably not doing it right. Because when we hit our limits and we stop, we don’t find out what’s on the other side. 

 

So that is where things really started to get clear to me that my success is directly tied to my personal growth. So my business growth is directly tied to my personal growth. And it took me those years and those tears and those disappointments to really understand that.

 

So, I kept investing in me, kept hiring business coaches, people who were further along in the game to help me break through what I knew was blocking me. I just have always had this inner sense of knowing, I GOT MORE. And if I do everything I can, I mean I’m a qualified coach. I can coach myself, right? But sometimes, it takes throwing that rope to someone else and having them pull you further to get out.

 

So that is what I really committed to and I did that in 2017 into 2018, helping me shift inside what I felt like needed to be birthed. 

 

So in 2018, for those of you who’ve been around with me since then you might remember that I updated my branding. I worked on getting bolder images, boulder messaging. Really allowing more of who I am to come through in anything that I share whether it’s by voice or my imagery. So you could see further facets of who I am and not just that corporate side, right? But also, maybe a little bit of me as a mom, a little bit of me, just as a regular woman, a little bit of me as that coach. All of those layers of myself.

 

And then in 2018, what I wasn’t expecting is I went to a conference, Families in Global Transition Conference and I met some gorgeous souls that have become forever friends. And What no one knew at the time is independently of each other, I got messages from several people like subtle, loving kind of side comments, that essentially said, “Sundae, it’s so much fun to be with you in person and we love spending time with you and I have a hunch that there’s something inside of you that is guarded.” Guarded. 

 

And think about that, all the work I’d already done to drop my guard, to share more of my voice and power. And now, I was hearing this independently from individuals who had no idea, the other individuals had kind of dropped these comments with love. And it hit me, there’s something that’s going on with me where I’m still guarding. I’m still putting up some sort of a wall. And I’m not talking about TMI: Too Much Information, and no boundaries. But there was something energetically with people who cared about me, got in front of me that they could feel something was still there. Something I didn’t even know myself. 

 

And it was like one of my clients. She said she didn’t know she was stuck until she was unstuck. I didn’t know I was guarded until I was unguarded.

 

When you drop that guard, you allow it to come out. When you drop that guard, you allow vulnerability to be shared and you allow it to be shared with you, right? And many other things. And a couple days later after the conference, I got a little cosmic help with that because we experienced an unexpected loss in my family, my sister-in-law suddenly passed away at the age of 38. Two days later, a good friend of ours, lost her battle with cancer and that was followed, later in the year, by more losses. Five in a total of 18 months.

 

So any sort of guard I wanted to keep up was pretty much obliterated by grief and there was something about that that felt really beautiful. Where I’m like, “You know what, living this way feels pretty alive, even though it’s hard.” And that is when I started opening myself up as well.

 

And I’m so grateful for that because in that sort of perceived vulnerability, I found a lot of aliveness, I found a lot of strength and that fueled me.

 

So in 2019, when I was up against my limits again, when I was on the fence about Expat Coach Coalition, I realized that I talked about upper limiting and up leveling every time we do something to step up into the bigger better, more live version of ourselves. It takes some nerve and some courage and then you’re living it and you’re doing it. But then, when you’re ready to go, the next level, those perceived limits come again. So, if you’re feeling that, you know you’re doing something right because you’re moving forward. 

 

So I was on the fence about Expat Coach Coalition. This was the idea for me to train qualified coaches and experienced experts on the methodology I had built over a decade. This was all part of that Adapt and Succeed program, that digital program, I created in 2016. And I know part of that was grappling with letting go of my precious. Of letting go of control. And I had that in my mind, like, “Can I do that? Can I give my best tools to a community and have them take it further and help me make an impact?” 

 

And so I left on my summer vacation, with that question to my heart. And in June 2019, I went home to see my family and got a message from a dear friend of mine back from 2012, that we’ve known each other for years, one of our close friends was battling with terminal cancer. And I hopped on a plane and was by her side for the last two nights of very, very precious connecting. And it was in the last two weeks of her life. 

 

Those are one of those moments where everything slows down and everything becomes much clearer. And as we were there together, it was this other friend of mine who’s a coach and my dear friend who was courageously battling cancer and myself. I just had this deep knowing about sisterhood. And how sisterhood is absolutely the way to go. This being in community with each other, is the way to face hard things. And focusing on impact is what it’s all about. 

 

So, I got on that plane and… *sigh* I got on that plane and I knew that I had to do something with that… That that experience just couldn’t change me from the inside without it making an impact on the outside. So I was going straight to a business retreat. And I brought that with me and that is where things changed with how I started engaging also in my business. 

 

I added a bonus Mastermind for Year of Transformation so the other women who were going through their Year of Transformation courageously showing up for their lives, for their dreams, hitting their limits, could be with each other in community. I said, “yes” to showing up and creating Expat Coach Coalition, trusting that if I let go of control and invited these amazing gorgeous souls into my community and gave them the hard-earned wisdom and tools I’ve created over a decade, that ultimately together we will make a bigger impact. Not just in their lives as business owners and expats but also in the lives of the clients that they serve. 

 

And I’ve carried that with me since then and I’m so grateful for that because I am different fundamentally because of that. And this whole time in 2019, I was alive. Really feeling the edges of what it means to be human. I even did a Capacity Challenge with my coach where she challenged me to do twice as much in the same amount of time, forbidding me to work outside of my hours and encouraging me to double down on my self-care, which was a great way to kill the last strip of the perfectionist in me.

 

And by the end of the year, I thought, “Okay, pinch me. This is my life. I’m living the endgame. This is exactly what I have dreamed of creating that it didn’t even know was possible.” I’m surrounded by ideal clients. Amazing women showing up courageously in their lives, doing incredibly, impactful things, from improving the lives of underserved women in West Africa, to helping others build confidence, to writing books, that will help people see that what they’ve gone through is is normal and have hope to get through in the other side. I just feel so humbled by the people that I get to work with and to be community. And to have a healthy business with predictable revenue. It’s just a dream. 

 

And I started with this optimism in 2020, my heart filled. It started with a Fresh Challenge, in the group. And then we all know what happened in 2020. The pandemic. Racial injustice playing on our screens. Live tragedies everywhere. And nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I thought, “What do I do? How do I serve my community? How is whatever I’m talking about meaningful in light of everything else that people are facing?” 

And I felt completely upside down. Everything that I had planned. That formula that had worked in 2018-2019, perfectly. I was like, “I can’t use the formula anymore. How do I do this? And what does it matter because, look at what’s going on in our world. Why would I talk about anything I’m doing, when all that matters is creating social justice for those who are suffering.” 

 

I had to do some soul-searching about my business and my role in the expat community, how I show up for others, especially in these times of crisis, right?

 

I also knew that I had to listen to what my clients needed and be responsive, rather than strategic. And I am a solution-oriented coach and I knew that we needed something different at that time. I was watching my clients lose focus mid-session like cotton balls exploding in their brain because of all that was going on. 

 

And was so grateful that I was able to be with my clients by their side and one of the highlights of 2020 me with my clients is when they said they were so grateful that they had said yes to Year of Transformation at the end of 2019 because they were now using the skills that they learned to cope with what 2020 was throwing at them. 

 

So it was an incredible year for everyone, right? And for me it was shaking me up. I realized that business growth is not like graphs that go straight up, that our businesses are organic and need to respond to what comes with us, right? And what the year brings. And I’m grateful to say that my business was strong in 2020, but it really brought me to new limits to ask myself, “How do I want to be showing up and is strategy always the best way? Or how can I be more responsive to the needs of my people?” 

 

So that my friends is the lion’s share of the 8 years of my business, things that you don’t know. And as I started 2021, I was faced with this strange duality. I had achieved so much of my endgame. Yes, there were some important details I needed to tie up to really hit every mark, but I knew and I know it’s time for me to create a new one, right? But I know, I can’t force it. I know this isn’t around sitting down and doing some strategic exercise. I know it’s something that has to find me. Just like the Wisdom Fusion Project found me. I didn’t think it up, it like downloaded from the universe.

 

And this is the year 2021 and my business where I’m focusing on purpose and passion over profit. And I tell you what it feels a little wobbly, right? It feels wobbly to walk that road. I do feel vulnerable. It is less control. But I know that the absolute best things in my life that have ever happened, have felt very much outside of my control.

 

So there you have it. There is what my gorgeous sister-in-law once called, “a soul striptease” in German. I never knew that expression until she shared it. That is what you don’t see behind the 8 years of my business. That’s what you don’t see behind the social media and through the podcast episodes and maybe even not as a client. And I hope what you’re learning is that when you want to go on your own journey of transformation, whether it is achieving a dream, doing a project that feels scary, starting your own business, anything that’s meaningful for you, that it might not go as expected. It’s probably going to be harder than you thought. And that when you are reaching your limits and you’re staying at the edge of those uncomfortable limits, you’re probably doing something right. 

 

But hold on because on the other side of those limits when you break down those walls that you put up around your vulnerability or around your self-worth or around your voice or around your limiting thinking or around the boundaries you create in your family, whatever it is, that’s where the good stuff happens.

 

And if we look back at my end game in 2015, and I know that in 2021, again, I’m pretty damn close. Feels good and I know that it was worth it.

 

So, I just want you to think about that for you to keep going. And another thing you’ve probably noticed along the way is I didn’t do this on my own. That this was done in community. That this was done from honest feedback from my friends. This was done from straight talk from business mentors, and people that were further along in the journey than I was, for whatever that I was seeking. It was done through investing in my own growth and learning. And it was done by testing my boundaries and experimenting with new ways of doing things. None of this came easy, none of this was predictable. It all emerged in ways that I couldn’t foresee. Some harder and some better. 

 

So, if you ask me, what’s next for my business?

 

My first instinct is, I want to say, I don’t know, and that’s okay. I know something is evolving right now. I know I’m growing. I know there’s a shift that’s happening and I have some hints in which direction it’s going to go. I have some hints into structurally, how things will change. But I know what will stay the same is it will be in community. I will have amazing people by my side to support me and I won’t be doing it alone. 

 

I will continue to be in community with amazing individuals that I meet and engage within my community Expats on Purpose and remain in the lives of my clients and my former clients because what you all are creating is important and I can’t wait to see what you do next. No matter what that looks like. 

 

All right. Oh, I’m going to take a deep breath after that. That soul striptease. I hope that you’ve taken something away from this episode. I’m curious to hear from you, what surprised you? What you had a hunch about? And what you’re taking away from you. So please get in touch, hit reply to the email, if you’re subscribed to my newsletter, if you’re on Expats on Purpose or following me on my Facebook page, sundaebean.com, then let me know what you’re taking away from today’s session.

 

So there you have it. That is my truth bomb for celebrating my 8th business birthday. I just wanted to say thank you so much for each and every one of you who have been part of my journey, whether you’ve been a silent reader and listener all these years. A client who joined me just for a short part of my path. Or someone who has been by my side, the majority of the way. I just wanted to say thank you because you are why I do what I do. And it’s personally so meaningful for me to have you involved in my work and in my life.

This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from Expat Happy hour. Thank you for listening. I’ll leave you with the words of Brene Brown: “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.”