265: New Name, Same Soul

Hello, It is 9 am in New York, 4 pm in Johannesburg, and 9 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to this very special fifth birthday edition with your podcast host Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.

 

I literally have butterflies in my chest right now because I am so excited to be celebrating five years of this podcast! We went live on the 31st of January 2017. That feels like a lifetime ago, 2017 with four episodes. And since then we have released one episode a week without fail for a total of 265 episodes.

 

That’s a lot of weeks. 

 

So if you have been following me since, then I have to say, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for being with me because you can see, I learned podcasting by doing podcasting, and you might have noticed, changes over the years as I’ve grown as a podcaster, a person, and a professional. So I’m really excited, whether you’re here for the 265th episode or you are here for the first one, thank you for being here. If you are one of the oldie but goodie listeners, who have been here since the beginning, you might have noticed that something was a little different in the intro. And today is the day of a name upgrade of the podcast as we begin the sixth year. 

 

You have heard me kind of hint to it in the last few episodes. I’ve done some research to find out the average podcast lifespan and it’s actually only 174 days. So, in podcast years, we’re celebrating like ten lifetimes and that is absolute cause to celebrate. And I have truly, truly, truly, truly enjoyed the podcast being named Expat Happy Hour for the last five years. But as I’ve been sharing in my episodes 262-264, it was time for me to loosen things up a bit. A few things are changing inside the podcast, my Facebook group, in the business, but it’s because of the growth that I’ve seen in my community, in myself, in my business, and what I’ve heard from you that you want more of. So, if you haven’t heard those episodes, you can get the backstory in all those behind-the-scenes episodes 262-264. 

 

So I’m looking forward! We finally arrived at the day when we’re going to rename the podcast. Right? And so I looked into renaming traditions and ceremonies. And it’s just a podcast. So it’s not like we’re naming a child. So the closest thing I could find was renaming a boat, but from what I could gather, you got to do something like call on the God of the Sea you are talking to Poseidon or Neptune. There’s some chanting and directions and there’s a lot of champagne flowing. So it’s the closest thing I could find to rename your podcast and I do believe tradition in ceremonies is important. So what I decided is to just keep it really simple and make sure I’ve got some champagne. So if you want to have some champagne with me, then you can join me and all of the celebrations this week as we celebrate the renaming and some new things that are coming your way. 

 

But just an aside, what I am kind of looking forward to is the part where it could be like when Prince changed his name to a symbol, right? So now I get to say, “The podcast formerly known as.” Anyway just want to say that for those of you who are Prince fans, you know what I’m talking about. 

 

All right, let’s get back to the ceremony, I think instead of chanting we should just stick with a drum roll. What do you think? Okay. So from now on, this podcast will be renamed: IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. 

 

Simple. Isn’t it? Right? Because that’s what connects us. Our lives of transition. They are constantly happening, ongoing and dynamic, right? And you know what I’ve been saying since 2017. I will support you through ANY life transition. So we’re not just talking about geographical transition. In fact, we never have. If you’ve been a listener of this podcast since 2017, we’re talking about transitions of our identity, in our health, in our routines, in our relationships with ourselves, with others, in our communities, how we’re showing up professionally or in our business, and even how we see ourselves and others. 

 

And I want to make sure I can give you more of what you want. And when I look at the data for my episodes, it says it’s just that. You want more on the complexity that we’re dealing with, in our lives. You want more on our ambitious goals and how to get there. More on our dynamic and multiple transitions. More on transformation. 

 

In 2021 alone, my fifth year, only 15% of the topics were specific to expat life, and of the top downloaded episodes of 2021, only one of the top five were really only about expat life. All the other four were related to other life transitions. Living life in limbo. Creating our endgame. How we can get that clarity for our work or business. Or how to make sure that our values and goals are in alignment. Those were your favorite podcasts. 

 

In fact, the most downloaded episode in 2021 was: Simplified Self-Care with Melissa Tiessen, episode 220. We talked about strategies to navigate our complex demanding lives. Here’s a throwback to that episode. 

 

Sundae: Everybody knows the metaphor of, “Put your oxygen mask on first and then you can help other people.” We know this but actually doing it is another thing. And like you said, we’ve never been in this time before so our old strategies that worked might be reaching their limits. So what ideas do you have for people out there who are listening who feel like, “You know what? I’ve tried all the strategies I know. What else you got?” What do you think? Where do we start? 

 

Melissa: You know Sundae, I think we start with really being clear about how we are defining self-care, taking care of ourselves. Because I think sometimes it’s really easy to fall into some stereotypical notions of that, and of course, it’s not just, and I think you’ve spoken about this probably a number of times on the podcast, but it’s not just about massages and pedicures and chocolate and wine or whatever it might be right? And bubble baths. Those things are important if you enjoy that but most importantly it’s not one size fits all. It’s something that is very individual, fluid, needs to adapt with changing circumstances. And so there’s actually a quote I came across a few months back and some listeners may have heard this as well. But I think a wonderful definition of self-care is, “Creating a life we don’t need to escape from.” 

 

Sundae: Wow.

 

Melissa: Yeah. It’s pretty powerful when you hear it that way, right? And so of course the pandemic for a lot of us has kind of been a life, or at the very least a situation a time period that we would really like to escape from and don’t necessarily have these normal means of escape or rest or rejuvenation. But I think if we can think of self-care in the broader scheme in this way, then it helps us to be really intentional about the things that we do, the choices we make, and how we weave that into our day-to-day lives.

 

Self-care is really a lot of the time about doing what may be actually more difficult. What’s actually kind of uncomfortable. Again, it’s not just the bubble baths and treating ourselves. It’s the things that are uncomfortable like setting boundaries, like asking for help, like countering the shoulds that go through our mind all the time because that’s ultimately what’s going to allow us to create that life that we don’t want to escape from. 

 

Sundae: So the arm hair is standing up on my arms ever since you said the quote about creating a life that we don’t need to escape. So thank you for that absolute paradigm shift. I think that’s really important because as you mentioned, a lot of the ways that we talk about self-care is from a very privileged perspective. Not everybody has access to resources financially or in the support, capacity to be able to escape from their lives through those things that you mentioned. So how do we build a life that doesn’t feel like we want to escape? And I love that you mentioned about the discomfort. I think I just did a podcast where I talked about how self-care is also painful. You choosing to do the painful thing. Whether it’s going to an osteopath, a chiropractor, whatever, working out. So you mentioned doing what’s uncomfortable, boundaries, asking for help, and shoulds. What do you think people resist the most in learning?

 

Is it the doing the uncomfortable thing? Or learning to have better boundaries? What is it that people know is good for them but really resist doing it? 

 

Melissa: Yes, I think it’s all of those things. I think it’s also resisting having compassion for ourselves. I think it’s, of course, very often especially as a Carer, I think it’s very common to have thoughts like self-care is selfish. It means that I’m putting myself in front of others. And I think especially women, not exclusively women, but certainly women are socialized much more so than men to see themselves as carers, to put other people’s needs before their own. And so that obviously can be a really huge barrier to being able to take good care of ourselves. And of course, it’s so ironic because like you were saying, we all know the idea of, “Put your own mask on first.” But yeah, people seem to kind of kick and scream about that and resist it. And I think it comes from, again, that misconception that self-care is selfish. That putting our own needs in front of somebody else’s, it means I’m choosing me over them. 

 

And in fact, and this is part of what we’re really trying to emphasize in the community of mental health professionals, that we’re building is that self-care is actually what helps us to do our job as effectively as possible.

 

And I think that’s a big challenge for a lot of people is seeing self-care as just something else that’s on the to-do list, right? And not realizing that this is what makes the job possible, basically. And I think it applies personally as well, who we are determines how we show up for the people who we are caring for, even if we’re not directly getting paid for that, right? Whether it’s children or elderly parents or an ill sibling, just being the best kind of us that we can be in relation with that other person that we’re caring for then again goes back to just creating our lives in this way that doesn’t feel like we need to escape from them. And that also we aren’t constantly feeling like we are in resistance to something.

 

Do you see what I mean? The episode is a perfect example of what I’ve heard from you. You want topics to help you address your complex, demanding lives. The issues that are on your heart and mind, now. Of course you do. That makes perfect sense, especially when we’ve all been going through this global transition thanks to the pandemic. And remember, back in episode 262, I talked about this shift of my lens from who to why and what. It’s really important that the who I’m talking to doesn’t go away. But the lens in which I’m talking about it has shifted. And this is especially for those of you who heard my podcast last week and are noticing some Taco Tuesday level resistance. 

 

Okay, “the who” isn’t going away because I don’t know how it could. Because I’ve always spoken about topics that are relevant, selfishly to my own life. And I am living a complex globally mobile life. How could I not? I’m part of a bi-national relationship. I have cross-cultural and third culture kids, right? My life will always be impacted by those things. What I’m doing is I’m simply and more transparently inviting others to join us as we dive deep into “the why?” and “the what?” And that is purpose. Transitions, transformation, connection, and all kinds of other gorgeous, important, and meaningful things that are relevant to our lives. 

 

And if you’re one of my clients, you have experienced “the what?” and “the why?” up close for years, and I’m even excited for you because now I am sharing even more with you on that level but with some new language for it. And it helps us extend the work we’ve been doing by drawing even more deeply on skills that I bring with me like the intercultural side and the equity-centered focus that I’ve been working on, right? So even for my existing clients, you’re going to gain more on a deeper level. In fact, I shared something new that it was working on based on all of these fresh things that I’m bringing to my community with a colleague. And after getting a taste of it, she said, “This should come with a warning label.” Meaning, watch out! 

 

You are going to get results you didn’t even see coming. You’re going to see things you didn’t even know were there. So watch out for results because they are coming in hot even more than they have before for even my existing clients. 

 

So speaking of results, I have a little surprise for everyone. You know those silly BuzzFeed quizzes you see online and somehow you get sucked in. Because they start popping up like popcorn on my feed. And you find out something like, “Hey, if I were a fruit, I’d be a strawberry,” and I’m like, “Okay, thanks for that.” Right? But still, they’re fun. They’re fun to do. 

 

So, I have something fun for you, but it’s a lot more useful than knowing what kind of fruit you would be if you were a fruit. And it’s to understand which phase of transformation are you in. And I’ve created a quiz, it’s just two minutes. And in those two minutes, you’re going to get clarity on where you are in your own transformation process and what you can do about it to support yourself, and what to avoid based on that phase that you’re in. So I’m really excited. It’s brand new. So check it out! It is on my shiny new website. So if you want to see what’s new in my website, check it out and you can go directly to the show notes to get it as well. This is just a taste of some of the fun and new things that are coming your way. 

 

As I said, I’ve got butterflies in my chest because I can’t wait to share more with you over the coming weeks. But if you want to be part of the fun, join me inside my private Facebook group. We have also just undergone and that will be when this goes live will be the day of the renaming ceremony inside the formerly known as Expats on Purpose, the new Facebook group: IN TRANSIT Hub. So you’ll be able to hear about some of the community upgrades that we’re doing inside of the community. What’s all new based on what you have asked for. What we’ve noticed that you take most value from. Plus, you can get some bonus coaching and training just for where you are in that transformation, that was talking about. 

 

So all that fun is starting the week of the 31st of January 2022, if you’re listening to this live, on the day of the release, don’t miss it. Join us in the In Transit Hub. We will make sure that we put the link in the show notes. We’re going to be having a contest, and we’re going to celebrate the week inside the group with daily winners, and a grand prize of some VIP coaching total prize worth nearly 1000 dollars. So do not miss it. 

 

So stay tuned next week as I pull back the curtain on my method: Ambitious Transformation in Transition, also known as ATT. You’re going to hear more about it in the next three episodes. All of these new fresh things might be a little bit like drinking from a fire hose. So I’m going to try to drip these out little by little with you in the next few episodes. And of course, there’s much more to come but we’re going to get you started with these principles. So we look at ATT, we’re going to dive into transition, and what I think we’ve been getting wrong when we talk about transition. What’s most often overlooked and why we need to look at it differently. Second, we’re going to be talking about transformation, we will look at what are the levels of transformation. You’re going to be diving into your own phase of transformation and we’re going to talk about why it matters to have an awareness of transformation from this perspective. And then we’re going to talk about ambition. What does ambitious really mean to you and what are some of the toxic things that we absorb when we hear the word, “ambitious” and need to purge from our mind and body? And what else we can do instead? 

 

So stay tuned for that next week. I’ll be revealing more about ATT as we go and how it can be applied to your life right now. As I said, this should come with a warning label. So, thank you. Really? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here and celebrating this fresh approach to the podcast as we head into the sixth year. I can’t wait for the next six with you. Thank you for celebrating the innovations we’re implementing here in the podcast, in the Facebook group, with my clients, and in my business. It means a world that you’re here by my side. I know that after all we’ve been through this last year, a little fresh is definitely appreciated. 

 

So speaking of fresh. I want to hear from you. What do you want to hear from me in season 6, as we entered the sixth year of this journey? Who would you love to see as my guest on the show? What topics are on your mind that you want to hear more about? Tell me everything so you can dip in the questionnaire that will be in our show notes about the wishes that you have for the podcast. Or just contact me on my contact page of the website, on social media, or hit reply to my newsletter. 

 

You’ve been listening to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. Steady advice in an unsteady world. Thank you for listening. I’ll leave you with this anonymous quote: “A fresh start is not a new place. It’s a mindset.”